Longing
by MJ1010
Summary: The reuinion of Tara and Jax: how they met again, after years of distance and the twisted events that follow.
1. Chapter 1

He tried to be a decent man. Jax Teller was a conflicted soul, torn between the things he was supposed to do and the things he had to do. Being in the club left you with very limited choices. They were a family for life but one that would kill you. A family that wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in your head to silence you forever.

Jax closed his eyes briefly as he drove this road alone. He preferred to be by himself. The wind pushed his shaggy blond hair back. From the looks of him, with his unshaven jaw, black leather jacket displaying the SAMCRO's logo, and motorcycle built for speed some would say Jax Teller was a man looking for trouble. Maybe, they were right.

"You're late." Gemma's frown turned into a scowl once she saw how her son was dressed. "Dammit Jackson, you're not even ready."

She stormed into the house and slammed the door on his face. He smirked at his mother's antics. Truly, he enjoyed them. Most of the time.

In the distance he heard an infant cry. His smile was automatic. That was the only real good thing that came from his pitiful excuse for a marriage. Today was Jax's birthday. A six pack and a cigarette was all the celebration he needed but his mother insisted on more. The gang would be here soon. He ran a rough, calloused hand over his face. He was tired. He did things last night that he didn't even want to remember in his dreams.

It takes a toll on your humanity. Running guns. Killing for hire. Not even when he was drunk to the point where he couldn't speak could he get the images of all of those people he murdered out of his mind. He felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But this was the life he chose. And the price he had to pay.

"Jackson," Gemma came out holding a fifty dollar bill. "Can you run to the supermarket and get me some chips and dip. And those streamer thangs. Thanks baby."

She kissed his forehead. No matter how easily she got mad at him, she forgave him just as quick.

The ride was quick. Jackson couldn't help but smile as a few of the locals strutted by him and waved provocatively. It was no secret that women liked him, and that he liked women. "Hey there stranger. Coming down to see me dance anytime soon?" A busty blond winked at him as she drawled out her invitation.

"Nah. Got the kid now. My nights are busy."He smiled. She pouted. But he didn't care. Besides, his type was brunettes.

The isles were packed with people. He made his way through to the snack isle. Browsing around he didn't notice a certain brunette staring at him. One that broke his heart. And still had the power too. He heard a sharp intake of breath and glanced up casually. Tara Knowles. He froze. The chips he had been holding fell.

Feeling like an idiot, he rushed to pick them up. "Tara?" All the nights that he longed for her. Every dream that he still had about her. Nothing could compare to seeing her in person. She hadn't changed on bit. Correction, she became more beautiful. Enticing. She was a woman now. When she left she was just a girl. Just a girl who crushed him. He had flashbacks of the nights he spent with other women trying to burying himself in them, to forget her. It hadn't worked but she didn't need to know that.

He caught himself twice staring at her pouty lips and big innocent eyes. _This was bad. Real bad._

She cleared her throat snapping him out of the trance he was in. "When did you come home?" He used the word home knowing it would affect her. From the look in her eyes, it did. She never considered this place home. She was bigger then this place. Bigger then him. That thought never left his mind the entire time she was away. And now here she stands, in nurses scrubs, reminding him even more how different they have become.

"I just got here. I don't know how long I'll be here. How are you?" She eyed his guarded stance. He knew there were scratches on his arms from the night before and if he wasn't mistaken, when she looked at them he thought he saw concern in her eyes. That gave him hope. _Stupid. Really stupid_, he thought for the third time since they started this conversation.

"I'm good. Its my birthday." He blurted out feeling out of place all of a sudden. Not like the confident biker he was when he walked in. "I remember." She smiled sadly.

"Happy birthday Jax."She began to walk away. He couldn't bring himself to say good bye so soon.

"You should stop by tonight. My mom is having a party." She looked down at the mention of his mom. They never got along. "Please Tara..." He gently reached out for her hand. She looked down at it and sighed.

"Ok. I'll see you tonight, looking forward to it." She smiled and it took his breath away.

"Me too." She whispered as she turned the corner out of his line of sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Just wanted to say the reviews are very much appreciated. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations. Chapter #3 coming soon. Sorry its taking so long! Please, read and enjoy!**

Tara Knowles prided herself in having it all together. She worked really hard to be someone, other then the daughter of a drunk and a nobody in Charming. Tara had many secrets and a dark past, but who didn't? Every time doubt crept up behind her she pushed herself even more. Being a Pediatrics Resident has its advantages. The long hours and mountains of paperwork kept her from ever really thinking of anything else. Or anyone.

She was able to become numb inside and ignore what used to matter most. That was until she ran into Jax this morning. Emotions she had tried to bury deep within her flooded through her until she felt like she would burst at the seems. His arrogant stance. His "_Don't mess with me, or the ones I love_" attitude. That didn't faze her. It was when she looked into his eyes. She saw right to his soul. Some part of him was still vulnerable and that was her undoing.

Visions of them laughing and holding each other flashed across her mind in seconds. They were each other's refuge. They kept each other safe. She pictured them whispering their deepest secrets and kissing tenderly, in the darkest of nights. How she loved him. It took all the control she had not to run out of the supermarket in tears.

She tried on three different dresses and threw them all on the floor. Putting on a pair of jeans and a black top, she ignored the butterflies in her stomach, and headed for Jax's house.

The music was blaring. No neighbor would dare complain about the noise at a SON'S party. Not unless that neighbor wanted a bullet in the back of the head. People were coming in and out of the front door. Tara hesitated at the front steps. Fear of being judged, being out of place, or being forgotten hit her all at once. But then she saw him briefly through the window. He disappeared into the crowd. She tried to suppress the excitement she felt. The jolt of longing she had for him. The craving to touch his scruffy beard. To gently remove the hair that often fell into his eyes. She was in way over her head.

No one noticed her at first. People were gathered in corners. All wearing black leather jackets and faded denim jeans. Tig was the first to spot her. He frowned. She frowned right back. He pushed his way through the crowds. "So, not to good for Charming after all, huh?" He blurred his words. Alcohol wreaked through his pours. She couldn't let him, or any of the others, think they affected her. So, she did what she always did when she saw Tig. Rolled her eyes and walked away.

She made her way into the room, desperatley looking for Jax and his friendly face. Clay Morrell was the second to spot her. He nodded his head but it wasn't in approval. She made her way to the kitchen but before she even step foot into it she heard a woman yell above the music. "What the HELL is this! You've got the wrong house sweetheart." Gemma sauntered over to Tara. She cornered her.

"I'm here for Jax. Not you Gemma." She tried to maintain her cool.

"No darlin'. WE are here for him. YOU have no place in this." She motioned to the group with a wave of her hand. She didn't need to hear it from Jax's mom to know that she didn't belong. She never felt she did. "Now, get out." Gemma glared at Tara with enough intensity to scare away any normal person. But Tara was used to her games.

"Tara?" There it was. That deep, warm voice she had been needing to hear. Jax.

He made his way to her. When he took in the situation, he stepped in between the women who were at a stand off. Each refusing to back down. Each equally as mad. "Mom, I think we need some more food put out on the table. The other trays of food are gone." It wasn't a suggestion. She looked at her son and waited for him to explain. He stood silent. He had made his choice by inviting Tara and he was defending her. This made Gemma furious. The music had gone down, so curious on lookers could see what was going on. Once it was determined no fight would happen, the music returned and the drinking continued.

"Thanks for comin'" He looked into her eyes. So serious, she thought. Such a heavy burden to be him. "You're welcome." She offered him a small smile. She heard a sharp intake of breath as he glanced at her smile. She blushed at his reaction to her. Tara always considered herself average. Not a beauty. The way Jax looked at her, you would think otherwise.

"Want a beer?" He asked, already headed to the fridge. He opened the bottle and gave it to her. She took a sip. Maybe this would calm her nerves. "Quite a party Jax." Tara said referring to the overflow of bikers and women. He shrugged. He didn't care. "I'm glad you came." He looked down at her with such kind eyes. All these people were here for him, and he made her feel, the only one he cared about seeing was the one who stood in front of him.

"Lets go outside for a sec." He led her to the back steps. They sat in silence for a moment. They were taking in the sight of one another. It had been too long.

"You look good Tara." He said as he looked at the ground. He rested his arms on his knees. She wanted those arms around her.

"Thank you. You look older, but good." She elbowed him playfully. He smiled genuinely this time. "You always did have a way with words." Jax said sarcastically. Tara laughed. He was referring to her ability to talk her way out of any kind of trouble when they were young. What did they know of trouble back then?

"I don't know how much time I have with you Tara, but I'd like to see you after tonight." He said quietly. He looked at her with those vulnerable eyes again. Her heart skipped a beat. "I'd like that." she smirked and looked down at her shoes. Being next to him like this was causing her heart such pain. They would never work. So, why even allow herself to think they would?

He reached for her hand. He held it. He studied their hands together as one and she heard him sigh. He was about to speak when Clay came out. "Jax, I need a moment." The look on his face told Tara one thing, something was wrong. Something was about to happen. She felt that all too familiar feeling of being afraid for Jax's safety in the pit of her stomach.

Clay placed a hand on Jax's shoulder and whispered something into his ear. Inside, the party was over. Tara heard the rumbling of motorcycles coming from the front yard. Something was definitely about to happen.

Clay went back inside not even sparing Tara a second glance. He looked down at her with sadness as he helped her up. "Don't go." The words escaped before she could stop them. "I have to." He searched her eyes for something but she wasn't sure what.

"Please Jax. Don't do this. Not again." Tara felt her emotions rise to the surface. "You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine." He assured her. She didn't believe him. Suddenly angry she ripped her hands free of his and pushed him. He cupped her face in his hands and she shoved them aside.

"Fine. Go. You're always leaving me!" She yelled.

"Yea, but the difference is Tara," he hesitated as he said this, " I always come back."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I love reading your reviews! It gives me motivation to continue. I know I've strayed from the show a bit. I'll do my best to keep some elements similar! Enjoy. **

There was blood on his hands. Jax thought back to how it got there…

"_The Mayans think their untouchable. They torch our warehouse and there's no consequences." Clay spoke slowly. Anger seethed through his words. He had the attention of all the SONS sitting around the dark oak table. _

_The Chapel was where they came to plot, to decided many things as a family. Tonight the tension, the anger, the urge to hurt and get revenge was overwhelming. _

"_Mayans were spotted in one of our bars. Harassing the bartender, picking fights but what really gets my blood boiling, what really pushed me over the edge was when Uncer told me.." The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. "They found a body on the side of the road. Clothes torn. Face beaten so badly it was almost unrecognizable. It was little Maddie Uncer. Our dear friend the sheriff's niece. She's alive. Barely. Now, this is our town. Lets show them what they're dealing with."_

_So, here Jax was with Bobby, Tig, Clay and a few others. They hid behind the warehouse wall. Dressed in all black they blended in with the night. Jax felt his heart pound in his ears. He couldn't let fear distract him so he pushed it aside and reached for his 9mm. Clay waited patiently for an in. Murmurs of voices speaking in Spanish lingered around the corner._

_He nodded towards the guys and they split up. One at each corner of the warehouse. Bobby was in charge of the explosives and was waiting for the signal._

_Clay nodded to Jax which meant it was time. Before he could move Clay grabbed his arm. "No mistakes." He threatened. "We need Uncer. And he finally needs us in a way that could only benefit the club. Don't screw this up Jax for the sake of a pretty face." Jax didn't take lightly to threats. But at the moment all he could do was nod._

_Danger loomed over them. Some might not even come back alive. This is what they were, death complete with a skeleton logo. Time to prove it._

Jax closed his eyes as he continued to walk. He tried to rub them to erase the images.

"_No, mi amigo… por favor… mi famiglia…por favor." One Mayan mumbled his last words to Jax before he shot him. Jax watched the life leave his eyes. He didn't even understand what he said. The only language they shared was violence._

Jax tried to shake off this feeling of remorse. He went to a bar after it all went down. He loved the club. But he began to second guess things

. Drunk, he stumbled toward the only place he wanted to be. Tara's. It had been a week since they spoke. He wished of all the things that he could make right, the hurt he caused her and continue to cause her would be on the top of his list. He stood at Tara's doorstep and noticed pink rose petals on the ground in her driveway. Anger surged through Jax. Whoever it was, he would kill him. He knew he wasn't thinking reasonably. He was drunk. Really drunk. But he was also in love. Really in love.


	4. Chapter 4

Tara jumped out of bed with a jolt at the sound of someone pounding on the door. She was terrified. With shaking hands she reached for a baseball bat that she bought in Chicago. The knocking continued. She stumbled over her own feet in the dark trying to reach the living room light. Cursing in pain, she made her way to the front door.

"Tara, it's me. Open up." At the sound of Jax's voice relief swept through her. She let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding in.

She opened the door to find him drunk and dirty. He ran a hand through his hair. She noticed the dried blood and shrieked, " Are you hurt? Come inside." Tara glanced around before she shut her door. Please Joshua, stay away.

"It's not mine." He winced in pain as she scrubbed his hands clean with a white towel cloth. "You might have to burn that when your done." He joked with her. She frowned. "Tara…" She stopped scrubbing. There was a desperation in his voice. She looked up. His eyes were glassy. Her were too. But not from alcohol.

"Thank you." He said simply. She nodded and turned the shower on for him.

"Get in. There are fresh towels in the closet." She ran her hand under the water to make sure it wasn't too hot. When she turned around she almost slipped and fell on the white tile floor. He had taken his shirt off. Her body reacted with such intensity. He saw that she was staring. He wasn't shy. Jax wanted her to look.

"Hey…" He called out to her before she could leave the room. The steam rose between them. The tension filled the air. "What's with the bat?" He asked with concern in his voice.

She sighed in relief. She was grateful he didn't ask her to join him. She would have.

"It's nothing. This is a big house. And I live alone." It was the first excuse that came to her mind. She couldn't tell Jax the truth. She couldn't jeapordize SAMCRO. Joshua hadn't shown himself yet. Only lingering hints that he was in town. She couldn't even think about her stalker ex boyfriend without trembling.

"Tara, if its nothing then why are you trembling." He walked towards her ignoring the shower that was still running.

"I'm…I'm not." She stuttered. He was close to her now. She could feel his breath on her skin. She was painfully aware that all she had on was a thin nightgown made of satin. And he was completely aware of her. She put her head down until she was face to face with his chest. She felt him looking down at her. _Don't do this, don't be stupid. He'll break your heart. He always does. _Her thoughts couldn't save her with him standing so close.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asked her in a whisper. She felt his fingers on her chin. He gently lifted her face so she could look into his eyes. He always knew when she was lying. He was the only one who did.

"No." She answered breathlessly. Their lips were inches apart. He seemed content to stare at her all night.

"Do me a favor Jax," She bit her bottom lip and he sighed with frustration. He wanted her. "Stay. Don't leave tonight." She pleaded with him.

"You didn't even have to ask." He leaned down and closed the distance.


	5. Chapter 5

It took Jax three tries to open his eyes. He had one helluva hang over. Sitting up slowly he rubbed the back of his neck. He searched around for Tara but the house was empty. He could smell coffee that was left for him. Jax couldn't remember much from last night but he did remember kissing her. How could he forget? It was mind blowing. She went weak in his arms and just for a second let her guard down enough to be the girl he remembered. Uninhibited. Wild. Beautiful.

He remembered her taste. He licked his lips. She didn't even realize the power she held over him. And he would never remind her.

Jax realized he was on the couch. He smiled. Leave it to Tara. She was the only woman he knew that kicked him out of her bed. They hadn't done anything but kiss. He would have remembered that at least.

He reached inside his jean pocket for his cigarettes and his cell phone fell out. He groaned when he looked at it. Thirty four missed calls. Half of them were from Gemma. Jax had left her with Able last night. She was going to be furious.

Outside, the sun was shining. Jax quickly put on his sunglasses and looked around for his bike. He walked here? Dam. His phone continued to vibrate. He shoved it down deep into his pocket. The real world could wait.

Jax made his way to Teller/Morrow auto. He heard Piney laughing hysterically when he took in the sight of Jax. A few others started clapping. Jax just shook his head and smirked. The cop car came out of no where. Speeding into the parking lot and screeching to a halt. Deputy Chief Hale stepped out of his car wearing his usual scowl. He didn't intimidate Jax, even though he tried.

"There was an explosion at another warehouse just outside Charming. Know anything about that Jax?" Hale got in Jax's face and got right to the point.

Jax refrained from punching him right in his neatly put together face. "Last time I checked, outside of Charming is not your jurisdiction officer." Jax said through his teeth.

"Deputy. Such a nice day isn't it?" Clay said smiling as he made his way to the two of them. Tig followed. Jax eyed Tig. He always followed Clay. The two were a little too close for Jax's liking. _What was wrong with him? Was he going crazy? _

"Yea, real nice Clay. I have several dead bodies from a well known rival gang and an explosion that no one seems to have seen. Even if it lit the sky for miles last night. Miraculously everyone was sleeping. Know anything about this Clay?" Clay laughed. He put an arm around Hale and walked him back to his car that was left running. Jax smirked, that meant Hale was scared.

"Now, you know we know nothing about this. Because if you DID have something then you would have said so by now. So, why don't you take your shiny little car and get out of here. Unless you need an oil change? That we could do for you." He finished his speech with a smile. Hale sped off. Kicking up dust and dirt once again.

"And you! Where the hell were you last night! You're mother gave me hell and I wasn't even the one who did anything. Go in there and apologize." Clay patted Jax on the back. For luck. Gemma would kill him. And they both knew it.

Jax stepped into the office to find his mother sorting paperwork. She looked up through her glasses and scowled. Ripping her glasses off she stood up and got right in his face. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been about you! Clay assured me everything went ok last night but to not get one phone call from you Jackson! Do you want me to kill you? Is that it?" She shoved his shoulder into the wall.

He winced. His body still ached all over. "Sorry ma, it won't happen again. How's the kid?" She sat back down and ignored him. He laughed and put his arms around her. She sighed. He knew she forgave him.

"You make me crazy. The baby is fine. He's with Donna right now. Oh, by the way, clear your schedule. We're going to see Maddie Uncer today. Now actually." She glanced around the parking lot for his bike. "I guess I'll drive."

The room was filled with flowers and get well cards. Amanda Uncer, the sheriff's sister was sobbing at the side of her daughter's bed.

Jax always felt anxious in hospitals. Especially since his son had spent a few months in this very hospital. Jax wasn't even sure he would be a father at one point but the little guy was strong and made it through. He had never been more grateful.

"Thank you for coming." Amanda hugged Gemma. Gemma handed her some more flowers. "We're so sorry for all of this." His mother and Amanda continued to talk when the girl called Jax over. She winced in pain at even the slightest motion of her hand. Jax walked over and patted her hair down. "Jax…" Her throat was scratchy and dry.

"Yes, darlin?" She had his complete attention. He felt so bad for her.

"I think you should know…" She coughed and Amanda rushed over with water.

"Don't speak." Her mother pleaded.

"No, mom. He should know." She glanced back at Jax.

"Know what sweetheart?" Gemma said just as curious.

"The man who…" She tried to regain her composure. "The man who did this…"

Jax felt dread rise within him. He waited for her to speak.

"He was crazy Jax. But I think you should know…" She coughed again.

"Know what Maddie?" He said quietly. He waited patiently.

"He kept calling me Tara."


	6. Chapter 6

Tara had just finished the exam of an infant and was filling out the chart when she heard the double doors to the pediatric floor burst open.

"WHERE IS SHE?" Tara froze at the rage in Jax's voice. The nurses pointed in her direction. Tara stood her ground as Jax made his way to her. He noticed she was in a room of sleeping infants and asked her as calmly as he could, through the glass, to come out so they could talk.

Tara felt panic rise up in her throat. Joshua. It had to be about him. Even here, where she thought she could start over and feel safe he had robbed her of that the second he called her telling her he was coming for her. Would he never stop?

Tara led Jax to an empty conference room and shut the door.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't come into my job and embarrass me in front of my co-workers Jax." She tried to keep her voice down even though she wanted to scream at him for causing a scene.

"Yea, well, I'd appreciate it if you were honest with me. But I guess neither of us can get what we want." He was pacing back and forth.

"Do you want to tell me what this is all about?" She remained calm.

" The rose petals, the bat? Why didn't you just tell me Tara? You don't trust me at all anymore?" There was hurt in his eyes. She hated herself for putting it there.

"It's nothing Jax." She looked down. He still cared for her. He still wanted to protect her. But she couldn't put him in that situation.

"Tara, look at me dammit." She did. "You're scared. And you should be. Do you know what little Maddie Uncer just told me?" He repeated the story.

The air left Tara's lungs and she felt weak in the knees. She held on to the table for support. Jax was immediately by her side. He helped her into one of the conference chairs. "Tara, we have to go to the police." Jax was trying to protect her the way she would approve of. But it wouldn't help.

"I already did." She whispered. Look of shock played across Jax's face. Then rage.

"Fine. Then I'll handle this." He stood up and was half way out the door before she spoke. "Jax…" Tara knew her emotions were showing. She didn't care. He walked back to her side. She stood up. Jax took her in his arms before she could even ask him to hold her. He kissed the top of her head. "It'll be ok. I'm just going to scare him." She was shaking. He held her tighter.

"Jax, Joshua Kahn is ATF." She felt his arms grow rigid. He sighed. She held on to him. Buried her face in his leather jacket. He made her feel safe. That everything would be ok.

"I will protect you no matter what Tara." He meant what he said.

"I can't let you put the club in that kind of danger." She looked up at his with tears in her eyes. One slipped down her cheeks. He caught it with his thumb and wiped it away.

"And I can't lose you. Not again." He told her. His voice was so soothing. She almost believed that everything would be ok.

"What is this Jax?" She knew it was completely ridiculous to ask at this moment but she had to know. She couldn't go through another heartbreak.

"This… is us. Just me and you." He kissed her forehead.

"But we are so different now." She said, hating that she said it.

"I know that. Don't you think I see that? How could I ever be the guy you're looking for? My life isn't normal. But when I'm with you…I feel….I don't know." He dropped his arms and put space between them. He ran a hand through his hair. It fell right back into his face.

He looked tired. He had a rough night last night and now she was burdening him with her problems. Only one of the many reasons why she tried to distance herself.

"Please, Jax, don't feel obligated to help me because of our past." She saw anger flash through him.

"Obligated? Tara, what the hell do you think of me? Am I really that bad of a person or are you just so blind that you can't even see when someone genuinely…" He stopped himself. She didn't ask him to continue. She waited.

"I will handle this." He took one last look at her and stormed out the door leaving her in the exact same position she was in before she came back to Charming. Alone and missing him.


	7. Chapter 7

"C'mon Jax, baby" The sultry blond kissed his ear. He shrugged her off. She tried again. "Not again alright? I'm done." She huffed as she grabbed her clothes of the floor.

"Fine. But you're wasting your time with the brunette. Besides I'm so much tastier." She tried to give him a sexy smile but all he felt was disgust. "Get out." He didn't want to see her face anymore. There was only one face he ever saw and right now he wanted nothing to do with her. He would keep her safe but from a distance.

Cursing, the blond left Jax's house. He didn't even know her name. She was the third girl this week that he brought home. It felt good to be with a woman physically and not have to deal with the emotions.

After he smoked a cigarette, Jax pulled his jeans on, leaving them unzippered. He made his way to his son's room. He could hear the tiny breaths go in and out of his small body. So peaceful. So innocent. Innocence made him think of Tara. Angry that everything made him think of Tara he went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He hated thinking about her as much as he did. It was torture.

The next day Gemma came over with a bunch of groceries. She eyed her son sulking in the living room. He absently flipped through the channels, not saying a word.

"Jackson.." She said from the kitchen as she was stocking his shelves with food. "The last time I saw that look on your face was when your father had grounded you and you couldn't play with your brother and his friends. I don't like seeing that look. And I really don't like, who I know, put it there. What happened to Maddie was terrible but don't be a hero Jax. Leave it alone." She said, trying to appear nonchalant, but Jax knew better.

"Yea." Was all he mumbled.

He didn't tell his mother that Uncer had already given him a picture and information about Joshua Khan, ATF agent of the year. He didn't tell his mother that he planned on scaring the hell out of him and enjoying every minute of it. And he didn't tell his mother, that the girl he was doing this for thought he was a waste of life. No, he just couldn't find the words. So, he kept silent.

At the clubhouse, Clay was working on a car. Cigar hanging from the side of his mouth. Bobby was supervising, drinking coffee. Clay took one look at Jax and frowned. "Come here son." He put an arm around Jax and walked him into the office. "She's a nice girl kid, but you know it would never work. She's too uppity for our lifestyle." He left it at that. Assuming that Jax could too. "I need a favor."

Jax leaned against the wall. Silent. "We need Opie for a job Jax. Only he could pull it off. Another Mayan job. Get him back." What was it about him that people thought he could make the impossible happen? He wished, in one case at least, he could.

Kahn's car was easy to spot. Jax leaned up against it. It was a four door sedan. Something he only saw women driving. Jax scoffed at the idea of him. From the picture, Kahn was well manicured and looked like a man who was so boring he put you to sleep saying hello. He was the complete opposite of Jax and that made his blood boil. Perfect mood for threatening someone.

Kahn came out of the barber shop walking confident with his nose in the air. When he spotted Jax, his step faultered. Jax smirked. _This would be easy. _

Jax fought the urge to run up to him and beat him so bad he needed to recover in the hospital for a week, if he ever made it there.

Kahn needed to be taught a lesson. No one messed with the ones he loved. No one.

"Well, what a nice surprise." Kahn faked a smile. Perfect fit for his fake persona.

"I'm not here to make anything _nice_ for you Kahn. We need to talk." Kahn took in Jax's appearance and shivered. Jax knew he could look intimidating when he wanted to. "Stay away from Tara." Jax threatened. He got in Kahn's face but Kahn didn't budge.

"Listen Jax, whatever you two may think you have…" Jax shoved Kahn against his car. He had an elbow to Kahn's throat. Kahn was gasping for air. Jax was debating if he should let him live. "You government agents are not always the smartest people so I will repeat it again slowly. Stay away from her or you will have to deal with me. And next time, I won't be so _nice_." Jax took out his knife and slashed Kahn's radiator.

Smoke poured out from under the hood. Khan coughed and fell to his knees once Jax let him go.

Walking away, he felt better today then he had in weeks.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I love Jax/Tara. So glad i am able to write something that you enjoy! Love your reviews. They are very appreciated! Hope u enjoy this chapter! More to come...!**

Tara couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for a week straight. Jax had kept in touch with her only for the sole purpose of telling her that he would keep her safe and that she had nothing to worry about. His voice was cold. Distant. He kept the conversation short and hung up before she could say good bye.

Couldn't he see that she was only trying to help him by staying out of his life? The night dragged on. She glanced at her clock a dozen times. Tara had to be awake in an hour for work. So much for sleep.

She headed to the kitchen to make some coffee when she noticed something wasn't right. It wasn't the room itself, rather the air was different. Something was misplaced.

She noticed it immediately. Tara turned slowly toward the object on the kitchen table. It was large. She tried not to overreact as she made her way to it. Two dozen roses complete with balloons attached that read, "I love you," and "Thinking of you." Tara felt like vomiting as she reached for the card attached.

My dearest_ Tar Tar,_

_How sweet you look in your sleep. Oh, how I miss you._

_-J Bear._

Tara screamed so loud she didn't even notice the rustling of the bushes as Kahn exited her backyard.

The house was dark and she knew he had an infant son, but Tara wasn't thinking rationally. She pounded on Jax's door until she saw a light go on. He opened the door rubbing his eyes. He was half asleep.

When he saw who was standing in front of him, shock ranged across his face. He took in the sight of her. Before Jax could speak Tara wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. There lips met with such passion it almost knocked them both down. He wrapped his arms around her and groaned. She didn't let him breath.

His need for her was overwhelming but exciting.

Without hesitation, he lifted her up into his arms and carried her through his hallway and into his bedroom. He gently laid her down on his bed. Not wanting to think of the consequences, Tara reached out for him. Jax lifted his dark t-shirt off and threw it on the floor. She took in his tattoo's, his hard flat stomach and something inside her broke free. Something she had forgot existed within her.

Jax laid her down on her back. Leaning over her, they continued to kiss. The connection between them was so intense Tara couldn't believe it had dulled in her memory over time. He trailed kisses down her neck and back up to her face. "If you want me to stop…" He said, out of breath. "Let me know now." She shook her head no. And that was the answer Jax had wanted to hear the second she came back into his life. With no hesitation, he made love to her in the only way he knew how. Openly, and with all his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

She lay in his arms. He tried not to think of how well she fit within them. Jax didn't want to get his hopes up. He wasn't sure why she came. But he wasn't going to push for an answer. He didn't care. She was here now.

Tara nuzzled her face closer, finding the crook in his shoulder. Sighing in contentment she held on to him with a need she would never admit to having while she was awake. Jax thought his heart would burst right here. His son and Tara under one roof. The way it should have been a long time ago.

Jax couldn't believe he was still having these thoughts about her. Tara basically told him they would never work because they were so different. And she wasn't the only one. His entire family thought so too. But what none of them understood was that Jax never stopped loving her.

Even though he pretended he did.

He stroked her hair in the dark. He lay on his back lost in his thoughts. Jax knew she had ruined him for all other women. She was the one.

His heart was hers whether she wanted it or not. Jax knew that the life he lived was dangerous. Any day could be his last. As much as she objected to it, here she was. Sleeping soundly in his house. In his arms.

"Jax?" She said, her voice thick with sleep. "You're not sleeping?" She looked at him confused. Rubbing her eyes she looked at him with concern.

He smiled at her. "I can't." He wanted to add, _because if I go to sleep and wake up without you I'm not sure I can pretend it didn't happen this time. _But he didn't.

"I'll make some coffee." She tossed both legs off the side of his bed. She was wearing his t-shirt and nothing else. He had never seen anything sexier in his life.

She stumbled through the hallway, making her way into the kitchen he heard her cursing. He stiffened his laugh. He didn't want to wake the kid. Jax ran a hand over his tired face. Today was going to be a long day. There was a lot he had to do. The club needed him. If he had a choice, he'd spend his day like he spent his night. With Tara in his arms.

He made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The hot water felt good. His shoulders ached from the tension he had been feeling lately. Second guessing the club was not an option. But he did it anyway. He felt like a traitor. Jax felt out of place for the first time since he joined. He didn't like it.

Jax wiped the steam off of the mirror and took in his reflection. _Who are you? You don't even know anymore, do you?_

Jax heard shuffling around outside. He thought he heard a slight knock but shrugged it off. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he shoved all his worries to the back of his mind. He didn't even realize he was smiling until he glanced in the mirror one last time. Dam, he was pathetic.

Tara stood at the front door. It was open. He saw from the way she was standing that something was bothering her. What was she doing? Who was she talking to?

She looked down and shook her head. He saw her shoulders slump down in defeat. She felt Jax's presence before she saw him. Tara glanced at him through the corner of her eye. When she stepped aside, Jax felt himself gasp in surprise.

"So, when you told me to come stay, I didn't realize I wouldn't be the only one."

Wendy, his ex-junkie wife, stood sober with a suitcase on his front steps wanting to come in. Which was ironic because the one he wanted to stay walked right back out.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Please try not to hate Tara in this chapter! She sees herself with no choice but to do what she did. Your lovely reviews give me ideas to continue! Without them, I would not have made it to this chapter. Enjoy! Will continue soon…!**

Tara ran to her car in Jax's t-shirt that she felt like throwing on the floor. If she wasn't naked underneath she would have. "Tara!" Jax made his way around Wendy, who in Tara's opinion, looked more beautiful then she ever had before and made his way to her.

"Forget it Jax." She fought the tears. She wouldn't let him see her cry. Tara couldn't even bare the thought of the two of them together without feeling a searing pain in her stomach. It almost tore her in two.

He made it to her car before she backed completely out of his driveway.

"I asked her to stay before you even came into town. I had no idea you were coming back. Just like I had no idea you were coming over last night." He pleaded with his eyes to make her stay. She was so angry with him for not telling her but she couldn't leave him just yet.

Last night was incredible.

Regardless of the reasons why she came here, she was glad she did.

"Well, she's here now Jax. Don't let her go to a hotel. Able is her son. She has every right…."

Jax cut her off. "Exactly. Which is the ONLY reason why I wanted her back here. Please Tara. This looks bad, I know, but I didn't do this to hurt you." He said quietly.

_Well, it does_. She thought silently.

Wendy waited on the steps in limbo. She didn't want to go in without Jax's permission, but she also didn't want to watch them fight either. She didn't like Tara. Which suited her just fine. The feeling was mutual.

"It's ok Jax. Really. I have to get to work now." She was going to ask him if she could stay here for a while. But now she saw that wasn't an option. Joshua crossed a boundary last night that he never had before. He invaded her private space and she no longer felt safe.

"Liar." He saw right through her. "Listen, call me when you get out of work and we'll talk." It wasn't a suggestion. "Oh, and another thing…"

He glanced back at Wendy that was now pacing on his steps.

"What is it that made you change your mind? I mean, why did you come here last night?" He looked at her with such kind eyes. She couldn't bare to tell him that his threatening Kahn didn't work. He tried. This was her problem.

"I just…." She looked at Wendy, then back at Jax. " I missed you."

He smiled with all his heart. "I missed you too." He leaned in the car and kissed her gently on her lips. She would miss those lips when she left Charming. Tara felt the lump in her throat, tears waiting to spill out in rivers, and suppressed them the best she could.

"Are you sure that's it?" Jax searched her eyes for a lie. She tried to hide her vulnerability. She gained the ability to hide how she really felt when she was with Joshua. He often grew angry or violent if she wasn't perfectly happy. He took it personally.

She thought back…

"_Why are you frowning?" Joshua's voice hit a nerve today. She was tired and she was hungry. All she ate today was an apple. She looked at him and sighed._

"_I'm tired Joshua. Just having a bad day. That's all." She was half way off her living room couch but he grabbed her arm and threw her back down._

"_You're not telling me the entire truth. Why are you not happy today? What did I do to deserve your frowns and anger?" Joshua was breathing heavy, a sign that he was going to lose his temper. Tara felt the familiar fear creep up and threaten her calm demeanor. _

_Cautiously, she spoke. _

"_You're right Joshy. I'm so sorry. I should have known better. You deserve better." She hated herself for groveling like this. But she had no choice. She filed a restraining order on him, yet here he sat, after he promised he would never hit her again._

_He was never good at keeping his promises…._

"Tara. You sure that's it?" Jax repeated.

"Yea, Jax. That's it." But she wasn't referring to what was bothering her.

She was referring to them.


	11. Chapter 11

Opie struggled with the wires. They received a tip, from another charter outside of Charming, that the Mayans were planning another attack. Clay put Jax and Opie in charge of sending a message. Jax watched his best friend's hands shake.

"Ope, you alright man?" Opie looked up at Jax. His eyes confirmed that his heart wasn't in this. He needed the money, but he needed his wife more.

"Listen, clear your head. I'll talk to Donna. She knows what being in the club means." Jax whispered. Danger lurked behind every corner. Their time was running out.

Slouched outside a Mayan auto body shop, they were told to rig for cars. Normally, Opie could do this in his sleep. Jax knew he wasn't getting anywhere with him so he shoved him aside and finish the job.

That's when he heard the click of a gun and felt the cold metal press up against the back of his head. "Well, what do we have here." A heavy Spanish accent lingered in the air. It would only be a matter of time before many more would come and put an end to Jax Teller's life.

Adrenalin pumped through his veins. He had to think and he had to think fast.

"Get up." Jax stood up with both hands in the air. "You too." The Mayan pointed the gun at Opie. Opie looked at Jax, pleading with him to figure something out.

It was over before they knew it. In the split second that the Mayan had pointed the gun at Opie Jax grabbed his arm and bent it forward. Screaming in pain, their faceless enemy dropped the gun. He kicked it to Opie and he fired. One shot. To the forehead.

Jax felt warm blood, which smelled of copper, run down his neck. But he didn't even have time to wipe it off. Bullets rained down on them.

Jax felt one graze his cheek. It burned like hell but he grabbed Opie and they ran.

The van was parked a half a block down. The only advantage they had was the dark of night. The windshield cracked as bullets penetrated it. There were ping noises as they hit the hood.

Jax almost made it inside when the bullet hit him. "Ahhhh…" He groaned in pain but made it inside. It felt like a thousand bees were stinging him maliciously.

Opie fired back out of the passenger side window. And Jax sped away, bleeding down the front seat all the way to the floor

"We have to get you to a hospital man." Opie begged Jax but Jax shook his head repeatedly. If they went to the hospital, and the cops knew about the shooting, they would put two and two together and they would end up behind bars. He would never jeapordize his friend's future like that. Or his son's.

They made it to Gemma's house. She ran outside before they even parked the car. He had called his mom on the way there. Panicked, she ran to the van. Her face went white once she saw the blood.

"Jackson, oh no…oh please…" Tears formed in her eyes as she helped her son inside.

"It's just my shoulder ma. Don't pick out the coffin just yet."

She lay blankets down on the couch and he winced as he sat. The room began to spin. He knew he would pass out soon from the lack of blood.

"Tara…." He whispered.

His mom rolled her eyes but knew that it was the only way. So, she swallowed her pride and picked up her phone.

"Be nice." Jax smiled, as his world began to dim and eventually turned black.


	12. Chapter 12

Tara didn't call Jax like he told her too. She simply didn't know what to say. Even though she glanced at her phone every two seconds, she pretended that she wasn't waiting for him to call her. Tara wanted to hear that he wouldn't brake her heart. That he kicked Wendy out and that they had a shot at a life together.

Her neck was sore from sleeping on a vacant couch in one of the break rooms at the hospital. She couldn't go home. It was no longer her home anymore.

She was in the middle of typing up her two weeks notice when her phone vibrated in her white lab coat.

She tried to suppress her excitement. It was ridiculous how she reacted to him. It wasn't normal.

Glanced down at her phone, she groaned. It was Gemma. Sighing, she picked up the phone.

"What." She stated, hoping it discouraged Gemma from speaking at all.

"It Jax." Ice cold fear ran through Tara's veins.

"We need your help."

Tara ran to the supply closet. She grabbed whatever she could and headed towards Gemma's house. _Jax, how could you be so stupid? _She wished she could run far from Charming and away from this life. But as always, something kept her here. And that something was Jax.

"You're stupid." She said for the seventh time. The bullet had passed through his shoulder. He had lost a lot of blood and was looking very pale at the moment. She taped his stitches the best she could.

Her hands trembled so violently at one point, Gemma told her to take a break. And that woman enjoyed seeing Tara in pain.

"Thanks Doc." He smiled up at her.

He had no idea that she was planning on leaving. She looked down at him with a sad smile. "You're welcome."

"You know what would make me feel better?" He said, raising his eyebrows up and down in an attempt to make her laugh. It worked.

"What Jax."

"A kiss." He sat patiently. Waiting for her to come to him.

They were in the spare bedroom alone. Able was sleeping in Gemma and Clay's room. And the rest, were in the living room. She would here low murmurs discussing things she wanted to know nothing about.

She sat on the edge of his bed. He grinned, knowing she gave in.

She leaned down slowly and gently kissed his lips. She had only meant for it to be quick, but once their lips touched it was hard to stop. He tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her closer. He groaned as she opened her mouth and used her tongue.

Finding it hard to breath, they got lost within each other.

"Oh, this is just disgusting." Tara jumped away from Jax. Wendy stood, frowning in the doorway.

"What do you want Wendy?" Jax sighed. He tried to sit up but winced in pain.

"Rest." Tara said gently. And wiped some of the hair out of his face.

He held her hand against his face and kissed her palm.

She felt his scruffy beard tickle her palm. Tears formed in her eyes. She could have lost him tonight.

It was going to be impossible to leave this time. But she knew she had to. For the both of them.

"I came to check up on you Jax. You've always checked up on me when I was, er… sick." She looked down, ashamed that she used to be a junkie.

Tara almost felt bad for her. Almost.

"I have all the checking up I need right here," He raised their hands connected as one, "I appreciate it. But I'm fine. The Doc here says I need some rest. So please…" Wendy scowled and slammed the door.

In the distance, they heard an infant cry.

"Tara…" He looked vulnerable again. Shy. She hoped no other woman ever saw this side of him. This was _her _Jax.

"Stay." She couldn't say no. Shrugging out of her coat, she shut the lights.

She snuggled up next to him. They fit perfectly. Even if they were imperfect.

She thought he was asleep when he spoke.

"There's something I have been wanting to sat Tara."

"Shhh…. Go to sleep Jax." Please don't say it. Please don't say it. She'd never be able to leave him if he did.

The morphine made his voice groggy. She lay on his chest and felt the breaths go in and out of him. Again, the agony, the realization that she almost lost him tonight was almost unbearable.

"But Tara…" Tara placed a finger over his lips and kissed him again.

He held on to her as tight as he could.

"Please, don't ever leave me again." He mumbled as he passed out into a deep sleep.

_Oh Jax_, she thought, _I never left. _


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Before I continue, I just wanted to say to all those who have been with this story from the beginning, your reviews have inspired me, made me laugh and they are very much appreciated and loved. To all those who are just joining us, please sit back, relax and enjoy! **

Gemma raced in and out of the house all morning. She looked frazzled and tired. After a week, Jax was able to move around the house but with his arm in a sling, his movements were limited.

The annual SOA: Brotherhood Biker Bash was tomorrow and Gemma was in charge of putting it all together. The committee was filled with old ladies and prospect old ladies, so she had help, but it was still a lot of work.

They rented out the entire Days Inn. The cops were paid not to interfere. The hotel had a huge field behind it. Typically the built a huge fire outside, drank, and slept with so many women it all became a blur after a while. But before the fun part, they were forced to listen to speeches being made by all the Presidents of the charters.

They ate food in the hotel ballroom and were made to dress up. Most of the older members grumbled and came in their leather vests and jeans despite the strict dress code. They were too set in their ways. But the majority came in suits and ties. Their dates often looked gorgeous in their gowns and make up. And they were often forgotten once the real fun began. It's not something Jax was proud of.

It's just the way it is.

Rummaging through his mother's garage he found a box with his father's name on it. Pain still made his heart ache at the thought of his father. He lost him too soon.

Old photos and dusty magazines filled the box. What caught Jax's eye was a binder, old and worn. He opened the first page and shock filled him. It was dedicated to his brother and himself. _To Jackson, may he never know this life of chaos. _Too late.

He began to read.

_Brotherhood, the root of the word being brother. What does it mean to be a brother? The club is filled with them. It is a bond made for life. You know him better then you know yourself. But would you lie to your brother? Would you purposely deceive him? Would you be set out to destroy any contrary opinion? _

_What does it mean to be a brother? Certainly not what I've seen time and time again. The club is filled with them. But it is also filled with so much more that's being left unsaid. Next time you look your brother, try to really see him. You may come to realize you don't know him at all. _

Jax dropped the binder. Funny he would find this now because he felt the same exact way.

"Jackson!" His mother yelled from the kitchen. He ran inside to help her.

"This bash is going to be the end of me." He smiled at his mother, hiding the binder behind his back, and kissed her on the forehead. She always complained about putting it together, but she always pulled it off flawlessly.

"How are you feeling today? What is that behind your back?" She smirked.

"Nothing. What are you talking about?"

"Jackson, you're my son and you're not very good at hiding things. Especially from me. Now, what is it?"

"Nothing mom."

Gemma frowned and was about to yell at him when the door opened and Wendy walked in. She held in her hands two gowns. One made of silk gold material. The other a black halter that left nothing to the imagination.

"I've got the dry cleaning! What else do you need…Oh, hey Jax." Wendy smiled. He frowned.

"Hey Wendy."

"Did you hear? I'm on the committee now. You're mom anointed me yesterday."

He glared at his mother. She grabbed the dress and left the room.

"So, um… do you have a date for tomorrow?"

"Not yet." Jax said, Wendy's eyes filled wide with delight.

"Well, I was thinking, we could go as a… family?"

"No kids allowed to this Wendy. Remember?" He knew she remembered.

Wendy had been his date countless times. And countless times it had been a disaster. He had no intention of bringing her. His mind was already set on a certain doctor that he knew would say no. But it was worth a try. If not, he'd go solo.

"I gotta go Wendy. Good luck helping my mom. She's in a mood today."

He left Wendy standing at the doorway pouting. It didn't have the effect she wanted it to. It just reminded him again why they were divorced. And why he was so in love with her complete opposite. He got on his bike and drove away. He took a deep breath. Jax felt free, uninhibited and happy.

While he let his guard down, he didn't notice the black sedan the followed.


	14. Chapter 14

Jax had to ask her three times before she agreed to go the bash. If she felt out of place at his birthday party, it was going to be ten times worse at this gathering. But, she would do it for him because she knew he would do anything for her.

Her cell phone vibrated as she shrugged off her scrubs. She was already running late. Tara briefly visited her house earlier to grab a dress that she had only worn once and all the make up she could find, which wasn't much.

She glanced at her dress.

It was an ivory white, made of silk shimmery material. She knew it would hug her curves and secretly, she wanted it too. It was off the shoulder and down right beautiful. She took a shower an hour ago at one of the hospital's spare sleeping rooms for residents, and she let her hair air dry.

It fell down past her shoulders in a sea of endless waves. Reaching for her make up she realized her phone was vibrating again. She glanced at it and saw what she had been seeing all day long. _Unknown number. _

Tara fought off the chills that crept up and concentrated on trying to look beautiful. She wanted Jax to be proud of his date. She owed him that much.

She agreed to meet Jax at her house. She didn't tell him that she had been sleeping at the hospital. She glanced at the time on her phone and groaned. Tara had planned on being late. The less time she spent waiting for Jax outside her door, the better.

Jax was leaning against a black BMW, one of Gemma's cars, and was waiting for her when she pulled up in the driveway. He looked amazing. His blond hair was messy, it fell all over the place. He was wearing a black suit with a white collard shirt underneath. She laughed as he pulled uncomfortably at his tie.

He was so handsome. Would she ever get used to it?

He noticed her pull up. His attention was on her car.

Her heart was pounding. She took a deep breath and stepped out.

"My God…" Was all she heard from Jax. She looked up at him and felt herself blush at the intensity of his gaze.

He wasn't shy and was taking his time taking in the sight of her.

"You look…. Tara…" He was at a loss for words. She smiled.

She walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She was about to step into the car when he pulled her back and kissed her fast and hard. He was ravaging her mouth like he was starving for her and couldn't get enough.

"Jax.." She laughed. "You're going to mess up my make up." She winked at him.

"You look stunning." He said seriously.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." He smirked at her sarcasm.

Maybe, tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: More to come my Jax/Tara lovers! Review please, and as always, enjoy!**

Jax couldn't keep his eyes off of his date. His heart almost leaped out his chest when he saw Tara step out of that car. He hoped she couldn't tell what he was feeling. He didn't want her to know.

He felt foolish having these thoughts about her. She might leave him again any second, and he had to protect himself. But dam, if he could only stop staring.

As they made their way into the ballroom, several men stopped to stare at his date. He glared at each of them. And would kill each of them if they touched her. This fierce need to protect Tara only grew worse with each minute they spent together. He didn't know how to stop it.

The speeches were kept short. Overall, it didn't take too long. They were in the middle of eating dinner when Wendy stopped by their table. Jax breathed a sigh of relief when he noted that he would be sitting with Donna and Opie. He knew sitting with his mother, Clay or Wendy would upset Tara. Thankfully, his mother made it so that no one would feel that way. For tonight at least.

"Hello Jax. You look wonderful." Wendy was wearing the black halter he had seen before. Her hair was pinned up in a mess of curls. She was smiling down at him and he could somewhat remember what attracted him to her in the first place. She was easy to read.

A couple bikers glanced at her as she leaned down at Jax's table. Tara adjusted herself in her seat. He knew she was getting angry. Wendy was making herself very obvious.

"What a lovely dress Wendy." Donna said, trying to keep the peace.

"Thank you. You look gorgeous yourself." Wendy smiled as she glanced at Tara and purposely ignored her.

Tara threw her napkin on the table and got up.

"Good thing you stopped by Wendy. Jax and I were just saying it's a shame you came all by yourself. You must be so lonely at your table over there. They're all old ladies, and well, your not. Please feel free to sit at our table!"

She whispered in Jax's ear and told him she'd be back. He smirked.

That was the Tara he remembered.

Wendy took the opportunity to sit next to Jax.

"Well, your date is somewhat uncalled for. If I were you Jax, I wouldn't take her anywhere else." Wendy said, oblivious to the fact that no one wanted her at the table.

Opie cleared his throat, feeling awkward.

"How are things Wendy? How is Abel?" Thank you Donna, Jax thought silently.

When Tara came back from the bathroom, she walked to the bar. She grabbed four beers and brought them to the table. Gemma had called Wendy over for pictures. The music began to play and the lights dimmed.

They all drank the beer. Opie and Donna headed to the dance floor.

"Care to dance?" Tara beemed a smile at him that took his breath away. He'd do anything for that smile, even if that meant dancing. Because he couldn't dance to save his life.

He watched Tara let go and feel the music. She closed her eyes and moved to the beat. Her hair swayed back and forth. Her hips gently moved perfectly to the music. Jax was stunned by how sexy she was. He knew that she didn't even realize the effect she had on men.

A few others watched her too. And their dates slapped them.

She opened her eyes and laughed. Then the music began to slow. The night seemed filled with endless possibilities. Jax almost allowed himself to think that they were an actual couple. Almost.

A few people exited the dance floor. Only a few remained. He extended his hand to her and she leaned into him without hesitation. She rested her head on his chest and moved with him slowly to the romantic melody. Tara felt so right, but he knew this was wrong. This wasn't the life she wanted. Sighing in frustration, Tara looked up at him with concern in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" _Everything. Nothing. This is right. _

He kissed her gently. There were a couple of cat calls from observers. She blushed, but laughed.

Some of the SOA charters were getting anxious. They couldn't wait to get outside, start a bon fire and get this party started.

"I just wanted to thank y'all for coming tonight. Now, enough of this formal crap, get outside and have some fun." Gemma put down the microphone as a cheer abrupted from the audience. She made her way to Clay and he kissed her, smiling.

Jax envied their love. It was so normal. Tara took his hand and led him outside. He smiled at her.

"You remember how to party Doc?"

She laughed.

"Who do you think taught you?"

She led him to the bonfire and they forgot their worries for a while.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: i know this chapter is short! as i was writing it, i even felt like i wanted it to be longer. But it's essential that Jax/Tara have limited time. my apologies. But we'll get to the good stuff soon! **

She should get drunk more often.

Tara didn't have a care in the world.

The fire was blazing, people were laughing and a few fights broke out but they finished as quick as they started.

Distant music was playing in the background and Tara couldn't help but dance to it. She made friends with a few of the SOA groupies. They laughed and drank.

She felt Jax staring at her. Every now and then she would glace over at him and he would smirk. He was laying down near the fire, with a beer in his hand, enjoying the night as much as she was.

"I don't want to share you anymore." She felt big, strong hands wrap around her waist. She smiled.

He leaned down into her ear and whispered. It gave her the chills.

"You know, this dress makes me want to rip it off of you and take advantage of you right here." He kissed her neck.

She closed her eyes and leaned into him.

Even though there were hundreds of people around, she wanted him to do just that.

Woah, lay off the alcohol Tara.

He trailed kisses down her neck, then back up to her cheek.

"You drive me crazy Tara."

"Believe me Jax, you do too." She elbowed him playfully.

He laughed.

It all happened so fast. If she blinked, the moment would have passed her by.

She heard the sound of a thousand clicks. Guns being drawn and ready to fire. And a large shadow coming out of the woods. She froze. She could recognize that silouette anywhere. Joshua.

And he wasn't alone.

There were several Charming police behind him. So many in fact, Tara couldn't see the back of the group. The room began to spin. Jax steadied her and she felt him go rigid with rage.

"Kahn, you stupid son of a…" The voice came from behind them. Clay.

"Now now Clay. No need for name calling. Oh, and it's good to see you again too."

All eyes turned to Clay.

Shock jolted through Tara's system.

The SOA had their guns ready.

The Charming police looked like they needed on excuse to kill.

And Jax and Tara were caught, dead in the middle.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: As we all know trouble loves Jax. And Jax loves trouble. You are by far the best readers on because your reviews are fabulous! Please, enjoy this chapter. This story may take a dark turn real soon….!**

Jax instinctively put himself in front of Tara.

"Someone needs to explain. NOW!" Jax shouted. He felt Tara grab his jacket.

He was about to rip Kahn to shreds when Clay spoke.

"I told you Kahn. I don't deal with the likes of you. Your offer is denied. Just like when you stopped by the shop and asked me then. I didn't change my mind, dimwit. And you think by showing up here, which was very very stupid of you by the way, you can intimidate me to change my mind?"

Kahn smiled.

It was an eerie smile. It carried a hint of something evil hidden within.

"Clay, I'm not here for a stupid drug bust. You think I would risk my life for that?"

His eyes turned to Jax and Tara.

Jax felt his upper lip curl in disgust. The rage he felt, he could barley contain it.

"Get out of here Kahn. And take your new friends with you."

"I'd love to Jax. Just as long as I leave with what I came here for."

He eyed Tara again.

"Tar Tar, you might want to step aside."

People snickered at his nickname. If he didn't have an army of guns behind him he wouldn't stand a chance in this crowd. Hell, even with the army, he might not make it out alive.

"Take it easy. Both sides. Put the guns down." Clay walked forward.

"Just do what you gotta do and get the hell out of here while your still breathin'." Tig said, as he followed Clay.

"Are you threatening a federal agent sir?" Jax almost laughed as he watched Kahn shiver.

"Like I said, you got five seconds to do what you gotta do." Tig's stance suggested no one argue. And no one did.

"Fine." Kahn ran a hand through his perfectly pressed hair. And tugged on his very expensive suit and walked towards Jax.

"Jax Teller, you're under arrest for the attempted murder of Juan Guiterrez. You have the right to remain silent…" Kahn was cuffing him. Tara was screaming.

"Josh! Stop this! Let him go!" Kahn didn't even spare Tara a glance.

Gemma came pushing her way through the crowd. She lunged for the ATF agent but many hands pulled her back. "Jax, don't you worry baby." Then she turned to Tara.

"This is all your fault, you stupid…" She lunged for Tara and grabbed a good chunk of her hair. Tara fought back. Jax watched as his world crumbled around him. They got nothing on him. Jax knew this was all a bluff. He was always too careful when he went on a job.

And whoever threatened to testify against him would be dead by morning.

Jax would be released.

But a lot could happen in one night. Kahn was up to something.

"HEY!" He screamed so loud, even the cops paid attention.

He scanned the crowd for any threats before he called Tara over.

"No time for this Teller." Kahn began to take him away.

Tara chased after him. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"This is my fault Jax. Oh, Jax."

They continued to walk. He told her to come closer.

He whispered something into her ear, and she froze in shock.

He looked into her eyes for a sign that she had agreed to what he said.

She simple shook her head. He winked at her to let her know everything would be alright.

Even if he just told her to run.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: If I could give awards for your reviews they would contain the words: Hysterical, Awesome, Appreciated, Fabulous, very much Needed. Thank you everyone. Now for the continuation…**

Tara felt the weight of a thousand eyes on her as Jax was taken away. Silence filled the air. Even the music stopped. The girls she was just dancing with turned their heads on her and walked away.

Tara knew she had to get out of here. And fast. She managed to make her way to the front of the hotel when Gemma and Clay caught up to her.

"I want you out of here. And by out of here I mean, leave Charming if you value your life!" Gemma screamed, not caring who was around.

Clay stepped forward and put himself between the women. She knew he felt he had to keep this situation under control. He had many charter's watching him. Judging him. If he couldn't handle a domestic dispute, then he couldn't handle any big decisions.

"Tara, I don't care what you do, where you go, just get out of here." He pitied her. She frowned at him.

She thought back to what Jax had whispered into her ear and now knew it wasn't an option. He said two simple words, which was anything but simple. He said,_ Run home._

And by home, he meant his house. He knew she would be safe there.

Tara looked at Gemma and Clay. She wasn't intimidated, but she wasn't stupid either. Jax's house was not an option.

Clay hailed a cab and opened the door for her, giving her the hint of leaving quickly. Gemma stared her down until the cab drove away.

Tara realized she left her purse in the ballroom. Cursing, she asked the taxi to wait outside while she let herself in with her spare key. The house was quiet. Eerie. Dark. She shivered. Rummaging through her top drawer in her dresser she found the emergency cash she kept hidden and paid the impatient man who honked his horn at least twice.

The room was still spinning. It was a combination of alcohol and all of the events that just took place.

She knew Jax had been arrested before. But she couldn't bear the thought that she was the reason he was sitting in a cold, damp jail cell. She ached with the feeling of helplessness.

Then her sadness turned to anger. She shoved her living room lamp, harshly on the ground. Then she kicked her couch more times then she could count. She wanted to scream at how unfair this all was. She was never one to pity herself, but not being in the right state of mind right now, she was doing just that.

Tara realized she had been sitting on the floor in her living room for quite a while. It was time. She had put it off long enough. She had to leave.

She glanced around the rooms that were her childhood. Flashbacks that she couldn't stop came to her now…

"_Daddy? Is that you?" Seven year old Tara could here banging coming from another room. She was scared. She went to sleep with no one in the house and now there was someone here. Her daddy said he needed to go to the store, but that was hours ago._

_What if it was her daddy? What if he needed help? Gathering all the courage a seven year old could have, she placed one foot on the floor and shivered. It was cold in this house. They couldn't afford heat._

_She found her fuzzy bunny slippers, and grabbed her stuffed animal bear that she called, "Teddy" and headed for the hallway. _

_There was something in the air that she smelled immediately. It stung her nose. She didn't like it. She fought the urge to run back into bed and hide under the covers. _

_Another loud bang. This time she heard voices. They were low murmurs but she could tell one belonged to a lady. Peeking her head around the corner of her kitchen wall, she found her father grabbing some lady. She didn't seem to be in pain though, because she was laughing._

_Her father walked over to the table and threw the last chair standing, down. Bang._

_The lady giggled, and asked if her father had anymore of something in a bottle. She held up the bottle and Tara's nose stung again. Whatever was in there probably went bad. Like when she tried to drink milk one time but it was sour._

_Tara tried to stay hidden. She wasn't sure if her daddy needed her help. _

_That was when he looked at her. His eyes were bloodshot and his face turned to stone. She hated when he looked at her like that. She knew she was bothering him, but she didn't know why. He stalked toward her and grabbed her by her nightgown._

_He was screaming at her, and she cried as he tossed her inside her room. Slamming the door in her face, he shut something off inside her that day. Her heart would never open up to him after that. No matter how hard he tried…._

Tara stood up and realized it was never this house that she wanted to come back to. She never wanted the chore of having to clean up after her father, even when he was dead. No, it wasn't the allure that she could have a place of her own. It was the only person that ever truly understood her. It was the man who made her feel so beautiful, even though she felt so ugly inside.

Jax was the reason she came back to Charming.

In that instant, she knew what she had to do. She grabbed whatever money was left and was about to head to the police station when she reached her front door.

It was locked. She had left it open.

She heard a bang come from the kitchen. The moon cast a shadow on the linoleum floor. The room looked gloomy. The only light coming from the windows made it hard to see.

Squinting, she realized there was someone there.

Her heart pounded in her ears. She was in danger.

Adrenaline had her turning around and trying to unlock the door but her hand slipped with each try. If she wasn't mistaken, she could swear she heard laughter coming closer.

She spun around only to be knocked down to the floor.

She tried to scream for help, but something was placed over her mouth. And then her eyes.

She felt something stinging her nose. Tears ran down her cheeks and soaked the cloth that was over her eyes. Tara knew there was no way out of this. But she was a fighter.

Tara kicked and scrambled to get up until she felt herself fall. Something was taking over her senses.

And just as she realized when she was seven, with dim reality, she realized now.

Some things you just can't fight your way out of.


	19. Chapter 19

Jax was leaning against the cell block wall. He was done pacing with worry. Now, he felt his hands ball into fists with anger. He was wasting his time here. Everyone knew it.

He was going to kill Kohn. Literally.

Hale walked towards Jax's cell. He leaned on the wall, opposite Jax. He didn't say a word. Just handed him a pack of cigarettes.

Hale cleared his throat. Jax rolled his eyes and sighed, as he lit a cigarette and inhaled. "What.." Jax tried to remain calm.

"Look, Jax, I know we have our differences but I know you. Let it be. The witness has withdrawn his testimony and you'll be free in the morning. We've discovered that Kohn isn't even on duty. As soon as we find him we…"

"WHAT! What do you mean _find him_?" Jax dropped the burning cigarette and grabbed the bars. He got in Hale's face. Hale didn't move. His face remained expressionless.

"It was a mistake arresting you tonight… We know that now…"

"Answer the dam question!" Jax shook the bars.

"He's gone Jax." Hale looked down.

"Let me out of here.." Jax said, calmly.

Hale saw the look in Jax's eye and shook his head no.

"You have to calm down first Jax."

Jax took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Fine. Then can you call Tara and tell her to come here."

"Will do Jax." Hale left.

Jax sat on the bed with his elbows on his knees. He had his head in his hands when his mother came in. "Jackson.. Clay is talking to Uncer to get you out of here tonight."

"Good."

"Stay away from her. She's brought nothing but trouble."

Jax looked at his mother incredulously.

"She didn't do anything mom."

"How can you say that! Look where you are now!"

"I'm here now because of who I am! It has nothing to do with Tara."

"It has EVERYTHING to do with her Jax! She knew Kohn. Helluva coincidence. Don't you think?"

For the first time in his life he turned his back on his mother.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you.."

"I have nothing left to say mom. You've said it all."

Hale came back in. Jax turned and scowled at the look on his face. Fear.

"She didn't answer Jax."

He felt his stomach drop. What if Kohn took her? What if she was in trouble?

"Let me out Hale! Now! I've got to fine her."

Gemma sighed.

"You won't find her baby."

"What? What the hell are you talking about ma?"

She looked down, hesitating.

"We told her to leave. Clay and I."

Jax groaned and sighed.

"Alright, well she left the party.. She may still be.."

"No darlin'. We told her to leave Charming."

Jax screamed curses he didn't even know existed until now.

"How could you do that?" Jax pulled back his fist and punched the brick wall.

He felt his hand crack but it felt good. He needed some kind of release from all this pent up frustration.

"You went too far this time."

Gemma turned as Clay entered the room.

"What's goin on in here?" He bellowed once he took in the sight before him.

"Nothing Clay. Except your wife just lost a son."

"Jackson…"

"Let him be…" Clay said.

Jas turned his back on both of them. He'd take care of this himself. Starting with Kohn. He better be on the run, because when Jax found him, the SOA in him would take care of business the way he should have a long time ago. And he would enjoy every minute of it.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.

**A/N: To answer a question that was posted by sarasidle3, Opie could have helped and will help in the chapter's to come. Great point! However, at the time Jax did what he thought was best, with limited time to think, and asked her to run home.**

**And to everyone else, I know its tedious that I keep repeating myself but you're reviews are freakin' awesome! There are those who have been there from the beginning and I look forward to your reviews. REALLY DO! Those who are new to the story, glad you caught up! Welcome to our story :)**** You're reviews are fantastic!**

**Honestly, I want Kohn gone as much as the rest of you.**

**And I am in love with Jax Teller as well. He has this private, soft, and sensitive side that I love to explore. At the same time, he is very ruthless and dangerous.**

**I'm sure if we could all meet our own Jax Teller in real life, our lives would be complete!**

**Ok. Enough of my rambling…. Enjoy!**

Darkness surrounded her. She blinked a few times trying to adjust to the lack of light. Nothing. She was blinded.

Her head ached. As she tried to reach forward, she was stunned to realize her hands had been tied behind her back. Panic rose through her. She could hear tiny drops of water hitting a puddle somewhere nearby. The floor was cold, damp cement. There was no natural sunlight coming through, so there could be no windows. Or they were covered.

She tried to scream but nothing came out. Her voice was hoarse, and she coughed.

The air was stale and smelled faintly of mold.

She was in a basement.

She was too scared to cry. Her fear paralyzed her.

Hours passed and there was no sign of her captor. She didn't remember anything. It all happened so fast. She didn't even know how she got here.

Her stomach began to growl. When was the last time she ate? Feeling alone, so alone, her mind wandered to the only thing that would keep her sane. Jax.

She pictured his warm smile as he leaned over her the night they made love. He kissed her lips so gently, as if he was afraid she would brake. As if she was made of any value.

She began to tremble. Tara tried to calm herself. She couldn't.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. There had to be a place she could go deep within her. A thought, a memory that she could hold onto. That could save her. And then she found one. She sorted through her morbid childhood and fast- forwarded to when she was a teenager….

_Jax laughed hysterically as the now soaking wet Tara pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I'm going to kill you Jax Teller." _

_Opie's parents were out of town so naturally they threw a party. It started off as a small bbq and ended up being an overwhelming amount of people. They had been drinking and Jax warned her that if she didn't' stop making fun of his brand new haircut, he would get back at her._

_She laughed and made fun of him even more._

_Now, he was the one laughing. She diverted her attention for one minute when she heard someone calling her name and he pushed her into Opie's very conveniently placed, very cold in-ground pool. _

_Even though it was September, the weather brought with it a chill. Tara couldn't stop her bottom lip from chattering. A few people stared at her like she was crazy for being in the pool. Ooohh, she would get him for this one._

"_Tara, come out now.." Jax said, in between laughs. He held a towel open for her to climb into._

"_I can't Jax. I'm too cold. Can you help me?" She tried to play innocent. _

_He hesitated, studying her eyes, and decided to trust her. Big mistake. _

_As he reached out his hand to help her, she used all her strength to pull him in. She heard his intake of breath as he came to the surface. She laughed. "I should have known." He mumbled._

_Moments later, he had a towel on his shoulders and he wrapped her in a full body length towel. She lay her head on his chest. He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head._

_Her stomach flipped. He had never kissed her before. What did that just mean?_

_A group of girls that had been staring at him the entire night, giggled when he looked their way. She knew Jax was handsome, and growing more so by the day. And she knew she was plain. She let go of him so that he could go talk to the giggling group in the corner. _

_They were perfect._

_Blond shimmery hair, crystal blue eyes, skinny waists and comfortable in their own skin. Tara felt herself slump in defeat. She would never be that._

"_Want a beer?" Jax asked her. He searched her eyes and knew something was wrong. But he knew her. She would talk when she was ready._

_She looked back at him. He seemed oblivious to the attention._

_He waited for her answer, and didn't take his eyes off of her until she said yes._

_He walked over to the cooler and the girls took the opportunity to attack. She rolled her eyes. She hated them. Woah, why? Did this mean she had feelings for Jax? Who was she trying to fool? Of coarse she did. It's been one-sided attraction for years. Or at least she thought._

_She began to love him the second he taught her how to tie her shoes in second grade. _

_Her father had never been one to teach her anything. So, Jax was happy to take over and beat up anyone who made fun of the little girl who didn't know how to do half the stuff they did. _

_He was her best friend. She'd be lost without him. _

_Opie walked over and sat next to Tara. He playfully bumped her shoulder. "Hey Tara. Um, were in the pool?"_

"_Jax pushed me in."_

_Opie laughed._

"_Then why is he wet?"_

"_Because I pushed him in."_

_Opie laughed so hard she thought he would fall off the lawn chair. _

_She smiled. She loved Opie in a brother type way. He was such a good guy._

_Opie ran a hand through his rough brown hair and glanced at Jax. He noticed Tara was looking as well. _

"_He likes you, you know."_

_Her heart skipped._

"_Who?" She played clueless._

"_Tara…you know who. He likes you a lot."_

_Tara didn't believe him._

"_Why?"_

"_Why not Tara?"_

_She looked down._

"_Look, he'd kill me if he knew I told you this, but he just asked me twenty minutes ago how to get you to kiss him."_

_Tara blanched. She was so taken back that Opie had to repeat himself._

"_Really?" She said, out of breath. _

"_You have no idea Tara. You're all he talks about. You, oh and of coarse, the club."_

_Jax craved the life of SAMCRO. He told her numerous times just how much he wanted to be a part of something bigger then himself. To have something to show for in life. He felt the club would be the answer. _

"_Just look at him Tara. Open your eyes."_

_She did. And she liked what she saw. The blond bimbo's tried to advance on him by touching his shoulders, flipping their hair, batting their eyes and he ignored it all. He was headed her way with a beer. She watched several of them pout. She smiled._

_Before he could reach her, she met him half way and took his hand. Tara led him to the front of the house. There was no one there. Sitting on the steps next to each other she rested her head on his shoulder. He sighed. _

_She felt his body react to hers. He didn't have to speak. It was obvious how much she meant to him by the look in his eyes. She was grateful to Opie for helping her realize that. Finding confidence she didn't knew existed, she spoke._

_It was now or never._

"_I love you Jax Teller." She looked down._

_He lifted her chin. His eyes were moist with emotion._

"_Finally." He said._

_He leaned down and tentatively searched her mouth. When she groaned, he unleashed his passion drowning himself in her, not caring if he ever came up for air. Tara tried to pull back because they were outside, but he didn't give her the opportunity. _

_He pulled her tight against him and devoured her. _

"_I love you…" He said between kisses. "You're so beautiful." More kisses. "I can't picture my life without you Tara…" More kisses._

"_It feels so good to say it out loud. Hey," He yelled at a passerby, "I love this girl!" The neighbor shook his head._

_She laughed. This was the best day of her life. _

Tara's throat was thick with tears. That was over twenty years ago. They hadn't said those three words since. Life always got in the way. She knew now how foolish it was to let time pass her by. And all for what? The trivial, mundane rituals of everyday life?

She should have lived for the moment. She should have told Jax, as he held her countless times since she'd been back, that she loved him. She never stopped.

Now she may never get that chance.

Funny, it took the possible end of Tara , to make her realize that her life never really started to begin with.


	21. Chapter 21

Jax called Tara's cell phone three times since he was released. She didn't answer. She was probably still pissed. His mother did a good job of messing things up between them, as usual.

He looked at the sling on his bed. His shoulder still ached but it was better, thanks to Tara.

She saved him that night. And he had yet to return the favor.

His cell phone rang and he reached for it immediately. When he saw who it was disappointment crashed down on him. Opie.

"What's up man?" Jax answered.

"Donna's cooking tonight. The kids want to see their uncle. Come over and eat."

Jax smirked. He could just picture Donna cursing as she cooked and Opie kissing her fore head making her even more mad. She hated to cook. Opie thought she was cute when she got riled up and angry. Well, most of the time anyway.

"I can't. I have to go to the club, straighten some things out. Then I'm gonna head to the hospital."

"Hospital? Is everything alright Jax?"

He heard the concern in his friends voice.

"Yea. Just want to see if Tara is working today. She hasn't answered the phone."

Silence.

"You think she's still in Charming Jax?" Opie knew about Gemma's threat.

"I hope so Ope."

"Jax, come over. Get your mind off of things for a while."

"I've already wasted enough time. I have to find her."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Donna would flip Ope. Stay home with the kids. She cooked."

"We can eat dinner early. And its not official club business so she won't care."

Jax doubted that.

"C'mon man, it's the least I can do to make up for what happened."

Opie was referring to Jax's shoulder.

Jax sighed.

"Alright. But if she's not at the hospital I might go on a little run."

"Good. We both need it."

Opie hung up. Leaving Jax to wonder just what would he do without him?

* * *

Jax stopped by the auto body shop to tell Clay he might need a few days to himself. Clay hesitated but agreed. Juan Guiterrez, the Mayan that threatened Jax with jail time, needed to be taken care of but that could wait.

He still hadn't talked to his mother. He didn't want to .

He stopped by the house for a few things. Typical items of clothing and a pack of cigarettes. Jax winced as he slipped his arm through his balck leather vest. The white t-shirt he had on underneath gave him the biker look he was going for. This might not be official SAMCRO business but it was still a job. After he searched for Tara, he would find Kohn, and kill him.

He slipped into his sleeping infant son's room.

Jax reached into the crib and Abel wrapped his whole hand around his one finger.

Jax smiled. And then frowned once he saw who was standing in the hall way.

"Going somewhere?" Wendy played innocent. She knew.

"Yea."

He walked past her and to the front door.

"Watch the kid, will ya." Normally he'd ask his mother….

"Of coarse Jax. You don't have to ask. He's our son."

Jax pitied her for a moment. She looked so lonely.

"Maybe, when I get back, we can talk. Find a more suitable living arrangement. Make things right."

"But, I like living here…" She had tears in her eyes.

He couldn't deal with this right now.

"Later Wendy. We'll talk later."

He got on his bike and headed for Opie's.

* * *

The pediatric floor was empty. Jax walked up to the front desk. The woman had recognized him for the last time he came in here, slamming the doors, in search for Tara.

"She's not here."

Jax felt his stomach drop. He was too late.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"A few days ago. She left in a gown." The scrub nurse rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't know? She had been sleeping in a spare break room for weeks."

Jax's jaw tightened. There was more happening then he knew. His gut told him something was off. Opie waited silently behind him.

"Thank you." He managed a smile and the nurse smiled back immediately.

He headed to Tara's house. Maybe there he would find her. Hopefully.

* * *

Her house looked empty from the outside. But her car was still in the driveway.

He lifted the mat at the doorway and found her spare key. Letting himself in, he found her lamp smashed to pieces. The couch was moved and the back of the door knob was greased with something.

"Tara?" He said, even though instinct told him she wasn't here.

He made his way to the kitchen and found flowers in the garbage. Attached were two balloons. "I love you." and "Thinking of you."

"Son of a-" Jax picked up the vase and smashed it into the kitchen wall. Millions of pieces flew all over the room. In the sunlight, it glittered beautifully, which failed in comparison to the evil that had sent it.

"Jax…" Opie walked in to find Jax steadying himself on the kitchen counter.

"He took her." Jax fought the urge to scream.

"Who took Tara?"

"Kohn. That bastard. While I was sitting in a jail cell, he came here and took her."

Opie's face went white.

"Ope, I'm going to find her and when I do he will be there. Which means this is going to get ugly. I don't want to put you in that type of situation. I'm just being honest man."

"She's my friend too Jax. I know she's important to you, but you have to go into this with a clear head. We'll find her. Together."

"Opie.."

"Jax, let me do this ok? Should we call Uncer?"

"No. The less he knows, the better."

They made their way outside. Jax was straddling his bike and putting on his helmet when an old lady, one of Tara's neighbor's came outside. She held a cat in her arms.

"Excuse me young man." Jax looked at her and waited silently.

"Are you a friend of that young lady's? Because the man that she was with the other night… well, I don't care for the likes of him."

So, it was confirmed. Pure adrenaline made his hands shake. Hands that he would use to close around Kohn's throat and cut off his air supply. He was going to cause some damage and he needed to do it soon before he went crazy. If he hurt Tara in any way….

"Son, that man had such a foul mouth. He called her all sorts of names. It was terrible. And I'm not sure what's in Lodi but he kept saying they were going to stop there first before they went back home to Chicago."

Jax thanked the sweet old lady and gave one look to Opie. He shook his head in agreement. Guns were in Lodi. SOA charters were in Lodi. Crooked cops were in Lodi. In esscence, no one went to Lodi that wasn't looking for trouble. That pleased Jax. Because that's exactly what he was looking for.

They rode off as the sun set. Jax took in the beauty of the sight before him. It was nothing compared to when Tara smiled. He couldn't even think about her hurt, or worse.

Like he told her twenty years ago, he could not picture his life without her. And he would make sure that he kept his word. Even if it killed him.

**Kinda lengthy… But I hope it was worth your time. Jax will find Kohn soon…And trust me, its something you don't want to miss! **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: And how are THE BEST reader's on FanFic doing today? I am so happy many of you loved the memory sequences. There is another in this chapter, but be prepared to use a tissue. **

**I apologize in advance for any mis-spellings, etc. So many of you requested I update quick, so in my rush to post I may have put comma's in places it didn't belong and spelled words or names completely inaccurately.**

**Your reviews are absolutely amazing! You should give yourself a pat on the back because I would if I could! You're all equally funny, awesome and give me great ideas to continue.**

**Oh, and two thumbs up to **eyelinerxcigarettes**! You're display pic of Jax with his shirt off is mouth watering! Lol**

**Ok, ok. Enough talking. Enjoy and keep reviewing fantastically!**

The hours passed. Tara wasn't sure how many. There was no way to keep track of time with no sunlight to mark the flow of it. Her lids were heavy with sleep. She fell in and out of consciousness.

Tara was so hungry, that it got to the point where her stomach stopped growling.

Still no sign of her captor. She was unconscious as he dragged her out of the house and she didn't see his face before she fell to the floor in her home, but there was no doubt in her mind who had done this.

Someone so evil, that the line of right and wrong was blurred. He didn't feel. He didn't show emotion, unless it was anger. And he warned her that if she ever tried to leave him, he would hunt her down and kill her.

Joshua Kohn. Her biggest mistake. Her worst fear. Her ultimate regret.

And the last face she may ever see.

Tara was trying to ignore the pain in her joints. Sitting in the same position for hours left her body stiff, and weak.

She didn't know if it was the lack of sleep, or the dimming hope that she would make it out of here, or the fact that Jax might not even know she was missing that put her in the state of mind she was in. But even that safe place within her before disappeared from sight and was replaced by a sadder memory. One that left her distraught until this very day.

Tara leaned hear head against the cold, hard brick wall and thought back to the saddest day of her life…

_The music was blaring in the field. This was SOA property and they threw parties here often. For no reason, for a victory or for congratulating a new prospect into becoming one of them…._

_Tara was alone as she stepped out of her car. _

_She pulled her hair down over her cheek so no one would notice the bruise. Her father hit her because she hid his booze. He already wreaked of alcohol and was slurring his words as he searched for me. _

_She picked today to stand up to him. And she picked today to leave him._

_She could hear people talking, laughing, oblivious to the real world or the people in it. For the night at least. Tara envied their carefree lifestyle, but she knew this wasn't reality._

_Hard work and dedication was what it took to make a life worth living. She would never be one of the SOA and it broke her heart to pieces when Jax called her and told her he would be._

_She was hit on by several men as she rolled her eyes and made her way past them._

_She looked around her. Ruthless contract killers without a care in the world surrounded her. It made her sick._

"_Tara?" Several females were hanging on him. Jax was too drunk to push them away. She frowned. They had been fighting for weeks. She tried to get him to see reason. That the life of a SON was no life at all. Constantly watching your back, never being free. But he yelled back at her saying he wasn't good at anything else._

_This was all he knew._

_She knew she made him feel not good enough. She didn't mean to belittle his dreams but she only wanted to keep him safe. She came tonight as a last resort hoping to convince him to leave._

"_Can I talk to you a minute?" She felt her heart race. Tara hated feeling like she was losing Jax. Like she never really knew him at all._

_She led him to a vacant spot in the field, far enough away that the music was a distant hum and the people were not heard at all. She stared at the moon. It hung low, as if shining down on her in pity reminding her that after tonight, she may very well be alone in this world._

"_What's up?" He could barley stand._

"_I don't want to fight. I just want you to here me out."_

_He threw his hands up in the air in frustration._

"_Not again Tara. You've already reminded me day after day, that I'll never be good enough for you."_

_She looked down and tried to contain her emotions. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. But none of that would make him listen. She calmed herself before she continued._

"_First off Jax, it was never you that wasn't good enough for me. Quite the opposite. Second, I can't pretend that I'm happy for you when I'm not. You know I can't hide my feelings. Especially from you. So what's the point in trying?"_

_He looked at her. The stars shined above casting a glow on half his face. She took in every detail because this may be the last time she saw him. He stood there, both hands cuffed in his front pockets. His stance was guarded, but she knew all he wanted was for Tara to hug him and remind him that he was not alone. _

_His jaw was set in anger. He was didn't shave for a while giving him a scruffy look and he let his blond hair grow to his shoulders._

_All in all, he looked like he belonged here. Like he fit right in._

_But then she looked into his eyes. They were conflicted. Torn. Hurt._

_She could feel the tears form in her eyes and they threatened to spill over. He was so beautiful. And she knew now that she would never belong with him._

"_I'm leaving Jax." She looked down._

"_What? Where are you going?" He still sounded angry._

"_Away. I can't stay here anymore."_

_A gentle wind pushed aside her hair. Before she could cover it again, Jax saw the bruise and cursed. He came over to her immediately and cupped her face._

"_I know he's your father Tara but this time he went to far!" Jax took off in the direction toward her house. She chased after him and it took two tried to get him to stop._

"_No! It's not worth it. I'm never going back there again."_

"_Then stay with me. I'll protect you."_

"_In your mother's house Jax? She hates me. It wouldn't work."_

"_Well, actually, I have money now."_

"_SAMCRO money?"_

"_Yea? What's wrong with that? Money is money!"_

"_It's dirty money. And one day, its going to take a toll on you Jax. I know you."_

"_So, now my money isn't good enough either! Fine. Why don't you leave then!"_

"_Come with me."_

_Jax grunted in sarcasm and headed toward the party. His back was the only answer she needed. She made her way back to her car and was unlocking the door when two strong arms pressed against her car trapping her inside them. It was Jax._

_She turned around to face him. They were inches apart._

"_Tara, why do you think I joined the club?"_

"_Because you love it. It's all you've ever talked about." She whispered. _

_Suddenly unsure. He shook his head no._

"_It's because I'm a nobody. I will never find a job that could support a family one day. I'm not smart enough, or talented enough to do any white collar jobs. But I am willing to do what I have to, to make a living. If I have to sacrifice my freedom, as you say, to put food on the table then I will."_

"_Jax…"_

"_Do you want to know why I've been so angry?"_

_She remained silent. It was hard to concentrate with him so close._

"_It's because you lost faith in me. And I need you to believe that I can provide for you. Because that family I'm talking about Tara…" He leaned down to kiss her gently. "I want it with you."_

_She broke down in his arms. He held her and she felt terrible because she knew she had to leave. He was set on staying here but there was no future for her. They were in their early twenties and he might regret settling down so soon and years from now they would end up apart._

_She couldn't stop the tears._

"_Please don't cry. I hate it when you do."_

_She looked up at him with tear stricken cheeks and kissed him._

"_That's better." _

_In the distance, she heard someone call his name. Clay._

"_You better go." She sniffled._

"_We, better go. C'mon. I'll grab you a beer."_

"_Go ahead. I'll meet you over there. Just have to grab something out of my car."_

_He hesitated. Kissed her once more and whispered something into her ear. Something she couldn't quite make out and left._

_Moments later, as she was headed out of Charming she sobbed so hard she couldn't see the road. She left her father to fend for himself. She left the only life she'd ever known. But what hurt the most, is she left the only guy that ever loved her standing in a field surrounded by people feeling so alone._

_She would never forgive herself for this. And she knew, Jax wouldn't either._

Tara was too tired to cry. Even though that day was far in her past she still felt the sting every time she thought of it. She was grateful even for the slightest bit of emotion now. It reminded her that she was still alive, even if that was only for a little while longer.

She heard the creak of a door. Light cast a shadow, on the descending steps below. Someone was coming. She heard of woman's voice that she didn't recognize. Then she heard a voice she did. She shivered.

"I told you Stahl, I will handle this." Josh said, obviously aggravated.

"You better. I agreed to help you being down the SONS, but I knew nothing about her."

Who was Stahl?

"Refer to her by name. She will be my wife soon."

If Tara had any food in her stomach, it would have come right back up.

Josh took one step at a time, bringing himself closer to her, slowly. Menacingly. When he took in the sight of her he frowned. And shook his head in disapproval.

"You're a mess Tar Tar. But unfortunately you've been a bad girl, messing around with that biker, so I had to bring you down here. Are you going to be a good girl now? Can I bring you some food?" He crouched down in front of her.

Tara spit in his face.

He slapped her hard and pulled her hair back.

"I will break you Tara Knowles and you will be mine again. Get him out of your head."

He stood up and headed up the stairs.

"You need to eat. It's been two days. And I don't want you dying. That would ruin our wedding."

He slammed the door above.

Tara couldn't feel her jaw. She began to cry.

_Please Jax. Find me. Please don't let me die. _


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: short, but crucial to the story. Jax is so close to finding Tara but there's no saying what Kohn will do in the mean time! Hurry Jax. Hurry!**

Jax wanted to ride through the night, but Opie insisted they stop and rest. He convinced Jax that he would be no good to Tara or himself if he couldn't think straight.

Jax sat on the edge of a crappy hotel bed, cigarette in his mouth, lost in thought.

The room had wooden brown walls and little lighting. Opie went to get some food. Jax wasn't hungry. He was sick to his stomach with worry.

They were half way to Lodi and Jax was anxious to get there.

The memory of Tara leaving him was nothing compared to this. That was such a painful day. Maybe he shouldn't have whispered in her ear before he returned to the party. Maybe that's what freaked her out about staying. But he was so confident that after he told her what he did, she would feel elated like he did.

He was wrong.

He thought back to what he said…

And that was when Opie opened the door with a pizza and a case of beer in his hand. He smiled at Jax and dropped the pie on the bed.

"Hungry?" Opie knew dam well he wasn't.

Jax watched his friend devour almost the entire pie, when Opie's phone rang. It was Donna. Jax could hear them fighting even though Opie went outside. She didn't like when Opie left her because she was never sure if he was going to come back.

"She's pissed?" Jax said as he leaned against the headboard.

Opie didn't speak.

Jax knew something was wrong.

"What?" He immediately stood up.

"Agent June Stahl was at my house today. Threatening my family."

Opie appeared calm but Jax knew he was outraged.

"Dammit Ope. Go home. Fix it."

Opie shook his head no.

"Donna slapped her and told her never to come back."

Jax smirked.

"Jax, she also said that she overheard Stahl talking to someone on her cell phone about a "special package" that had just arrived at her house in Lodi. She tried to tell Donna that the package was state's evidence against me but Donna knew she was lying."

Jax went very still. All the pieces fell into place.

June Stahl and Joshua Kohn were working together on this. They both hated the SONS. They were both sticking their noses into the club's business for months trying to find the right time to strike. And they both knew that Tara had the power to destroy Jax by making him emotional and slipping up on a job.

Jax grabbed his bag and headed for his bike parked outside.

"Jax, it's the middle of the night. We don't even know where Stahl's house is?"

"So, we ask around. Ope, Tara is in danger."

He pleaded with his best friend and moments later they were both on their bikes riding. They were close. Jax could feel it.

_I'm coming for you Tara. I'm almost there. _


	24. Chapter 24

The thunder was closing in. The low rumble vibrated the walls. Tara woke up from a exhaustion induced sleep. She was hungry. She was tired. What she wouldn't do for a hot meal and a good night's sleep.

She had not seen her ex-boyfriend since he forced her to eat a stale sandwich and soup. He held a gun to her head, which was the only reason why she didn't spit her food at his face.

Tara blinked and took in her surroundings. Something was there that wasn't before.

A slit of sunlight.

So, there were windows. It took her a minute to realize, but when she did her heart accelerated and she screamed.

It wasn't thunder. It was the rumbling of an idle motorcycle engine.

She heard murmurs of voices above.

Jax was here.

"Well, it's always nice to see a SON at my doorstep." A lady spoke, she assumed it was Stahl.

"Cut the crap. Move, or I'll make you."

She laughed.

"You know, for a smart woman, you're pretty dumb."

"Excuse me?"

"Lodi? Do you have any idea the power I have in this town?"

"Really Jackson? Threats? Do you have any idea the power I have?"

This time Jax laughed.

Tara screamed.

"Jax! Jax! I'm down here! Jax!"

Her voice sounded distant, even to her own ears.

Her throat was sore, but she kept screaming.

The conversation stalled. He was listening. He knew she was here.

"I'm not playing games Stahl. I know she's here. Nothing will stop me from getting her back. Nothing. No one."

"You better watch your back. I have so much on your club that I could bring you all down."

Tara yelled, but the rumbling covered her voice.

"Do it." She heard the threat in Jax's voice and could picture his face taut with anger. He looked scary when he did that. She hoped it worked.

"Where is he?" Jax threatened.

"Who?"

"You're boyfriend. The sick bastard that thinks he's untouchable."

"Get out of here."

"You got it babe. But, just know, you're the one that has to watch your back."

The rumbling left. Tara panicked. He left her? Jax?

Stahl stormed down the basement steps and lunged for Tara. She slapped her and untied her.

"I am not losing my career for you!"

She dragged her up the stairs. Tara's legs were so weak from lack of use Stahl had to carry her half way.

"Get off me! He's going to kill you, you know." Tara screamed.

"Sweetheart, I'm more scared of Kohn then a dumb biker with empty threats."

"Jax will find me. And you will be sorry."

"You're pathetic. Clinging onto the hope that you'll make it out alive. What do you think will happen when I tell Josh that you were screaming Jax's name while he was gone? Don't kid yourself honey. You're in for a world of hurt."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing."

Jax, his deep voice, came from behind them. Tara wept with relief. He found her.

"You're making a mistake Jax."

"No, you made the mistake of touching Tara."

He grabbed Stahl by the hair and threw her into the couch. He took one look at Tara and screamed. He never hit a woman, so he wouldn't now, but he knew a couple of old ladies in town that would have a field day with agent June Stahl. So, he tired her up and walked over to Tara.

He hugged her tightly. She winced in pain. She was sore, but hugged him back.

"Tara.. Did he hurt you?" He searched her face for bruises and found some.

"Son of a-" He kissed her forehead and took her by the hand.

"I'm so sorry Tara. I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again. Let's get you out of-"

"Going somewhere?" Josh stood in the hallway, blocking the front door.

Opie was in the backyard, taking in the scene. He reached for his cell but was taken down by an unexpected pair of hands. Opie reached around and threw his assailent on the ground, kicking up dust around them.

When the dirt settled, shock took over Opie. He hesitated briefly for a second. His attacker smirked at him. They knew each other very well. Wait until Clay knew about this. This would undoubtedly start a war that would only end in bloodshed.

Back inside, Kohn held a silencer and aimed it for Jax's heart. He had a strange look on his face. Like he was showing his true colors. Evil. Dark. Psychotic.

"Tar Tar, I'm so disappointed in you. We could have had a life together."

Joshua Kohn, the man that had tortured her dreams now brought on a real life nightmare, by picking his target. He aimed and he fired.


	25. Chapter 25

Tara shoved him down hard. He heard her cry out in pain. The bullet grazed her shoulder. Jax saw red. Everything around him went blank and he was only focused on one person. Kohn.

Dragging Tara behind the kitchen counter, he ducked as more bullets bit off the wood and shattered it to pieces. Wood chips fell into Jax's face as he reached for his gun.

Outside, he could hear Opie struggling in his own fight.

Jax's adrenaline was pumping. He loaded his gun, stuck it out around the corner, and fired. Kohn screamed. Good.

Jax threw the gun on the floor. This was not how he was going to finish it.

Kohn clicked the empty gun. He was out of ammo and he knew, out of time.

Jax strutted toward him. The look on his face had Kohn falling down on the floor and crawling backwards. Jax lifted his leg and kicked him. He aimed for his ribs, and when he heard a crack, Jax smiled.

He lifted Kohn up and threw him into the wall. The pictures shook, and a few came crashing down.

He noticed movement on the couch. Stahl was trying her best to get untied.

Jax threw Kohn into her. Kohn stumbled on the floor. Then, with a last ditch effort, stood up and charged at Jax.

Jax flew in the air and landed on the dining room table. It crashed down, as both men attacked each other.

It didn't take long for Jax to gain control of the situation. His hands were closed on Kohn's throat. Gasping for air, Kohn spoke, "She'll never be yours."

He reached for Jax's gun and took aim at Tara. She was pressing down on her would, unaware that her life was about to end.

Jax screamed and cursed at Kohn. It took less then a second for him to snap his neck. Kohn lay lifeless on the dining room floor. Jax was out of breath. He had never killed someone like this before.

Opie ran in as siren's rang in the distance.

It was broad daylight.

"Jax, we gotta go man." Opie had already picked Tara up in his arms and headed out the door.

Jax took one last look at the man who deserved to die a slow painful death and spit on the ground. No one messes with a SON. And especially not with someone they love.

* * *

"How did you find me?" Tara winced as Opie taped up her shoulder. Jax was silent the entire ride. They found a cheap motel off the highway and decided to stay here until things cooled down.

They knew the cops in Lodi would never charge a SON with anything. No matter how hard Stahl tried. But they didn't want to risk going home just yet. They all needed to cool down and gain their composure.

"We asked around the local bars, pharmacies, and diner's. Turns out Stahl frequents all of them." Opie spoke, because Jax still didn't answer.

He walked outside and shut the door.

"We told the pharmacist that we were Stahl's friends and she couldn't make it to pick up her prescription, Zanax by the way, so we would bring it to her. Her address was right on the bottle."

Opie finished tying her bandages and reached for his cell.

"Donna's gonna be pissed."

Tara smiled for the first time in weeks.

"She'll get over it. She loves you." Tara said, eyeing the outside door.

Without another word, she stood up and walked outside.

Jax was smoking a cigarette, leaning against the motel wall. He didn't look at her as she came outside. The night was cool. She looked up at the sky and saw dozens of stars blinking down at them. She waited for the right time to speak.

"Are you ok?" She asked Jax.

He scoffed.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He sounded angry. She didn't understand.

"I'll be fine Jax. You came for me. Saved me."

"It took too long."

He was always too hard on himself.

"But I'm here. And I'm fine."

She felt free. Finally. Kohn was gone. And she would never have to think of him gain. Jax thre the cigarette down and stepped on it. Putting out the flame. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked out into the night. They watched silently, as the cars pulled in and out of the parking lot.

She didn't think he was going to answer when he spoke softly.

"I almost lost you."

He looked down. He was hurting. Just as much as she was.

She walked over and stood right in front of him. She placed a hand on his cheek.

"But you didn't."

He looked at her with saddened eyes. He shook his head.

"I really meant it when I said that I couldn't picture my life without you. Even when you left, at least I knew that you were alive somewhere, living your life. But when I found out he had you, something shut down inside. Something in me died. The thought of never seeing you again…" He hesitated. "It's almost too much to handle."

This coming from a man who killed people for a living. Not seeing her would be his undoing?

"I have to know Tara. The night you left, what I whispered in your ear, is that what made you run?" She couldn't bare to see him look so sad. He looked as vulnerable as a child asking her that question. That's why he thought she ran from him? Her heart broke.

"I remember that night." Tara stared wistfully into his eyes. " And no Jax. You telling me you want to make another baby with me wasn't what made me run."

Their first child, had been taken from her. She lost the baby in the dark of night. There wasn't even time to bring her to the hospital. Jax knew that was what inspired her to become a pediatric resident. She was dam good at her job too.

"I wanted so much more for you. I wanted you to enjoy your life. Not be tied down with me and baby. I didn't want you to feel obligated."

He looked back at her.

"You know, this is the second time you've used that word. I hate it."

She laughed. He smiled.

"Tara, what I did today, I've never done. I've never killed for personal gain before. I've never wanted to kill someone so bad in my life. It almost scared me. What if I'm too lost in the club to be good anymore?"

"You are good Jax. Look at what you did for me today?" She cupped his face.

"I'd do anything for you Tara."

She kissed him softly. All the emotion she held back came flowing through in that one kiss. It took him by surprise how she felt. He wrapped his hands in her hair.

It felt so good to hold her again.

He wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted to ask her if he was hurting her by holding her this way. He wanted to whisper words of poetry in her ears describing her beauty.

But no words came to mind.

Just kissing. Holding tenderly. Breathing each other in.

And the stars shining down on them as the only witnesses of how much they truly loved each other, even if wasn't said out loud.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Kinda lenghty. Hope it's worth your time. And once again your reviews kick ass! Enjoy.**

Tara screamed. Jax was walking away from her. She was trapped in the darkest part of the darkest room and she was desperate to be set free. She screamed for him. Begged him to save her. He didn't glace back once. His silhouette grew smaller as he walked into the light of day; away from her.

The darkness consumed her.

She felt a pair of hands on her, gripping her. Tara tried to break free. Struggling, she didn't hear Jax's voice trying to sooth her in the distance.

She felt water kiss her face. Warm water. She blinked a few times and adjusted to the image standing above her. Jax shut the motel bathroom door, and wearing just his boxers, climbed into the shower and sat next to her on the floor.

It was a dream? A horrible dream that she thought wouldn't affect her.

She was wrong. Maybe she wasn't ok.

He held her and whispered soothing words into her ear.

She heard a knock at the door.

"She's fine Ope."

"Alright." The groggy, sleep induced voice grumbled on the other side of the door.

"I'm so embarrassed." She covered her face with her trembling hands.

"Don't be. I can't imagine what you've been through. But," He lifted her face to his, "Nothing like that will ever happen again."

The steam rose to the tiny mirror above the sink causing it to fog. Ironically, it reminded Tara of herself at the moment. Covered up by outside forces not seeing too clearly right now.

"Make love to me." She whispered.

"Tara… I'm not so sure that's a good idea…" She was still trembling.

He reached over her to turn the faucet and make the water slighter warmer.

Before he could return to his sitting position, she grabbed him and kissed him. His scruffy chin hair grazed her face. She clung to him, as the water poured over them, washing away the nightmare that still hung between them.

He hesitated at first but she moaned and wouldn't let him go. That was all it took. He desperately ripped off the long t-shirt he gave her to sleep in and felt parts of her it had covered up. She felt herself intake sharply when he lowered his face and kissed her in places she craved.

"Tara…" He looked deep into her eyes, vulnerable. Exposed. "I love you."

Tears formed in her eyes. Her throat thick with emotion. She couldn't speak.

Tara craved him and kissed him once more. She lost herself in him. Buried herself deep in his embrace. Jax took her away from all the vile memories. He understood her. She longed for him. Tara closed her eyes and let him take her away.

All she felt was peaceful bliss and joy at being desired. Loved.

And some part of her knew, as they made love, that she would be alright.

As long as she had him.

* * *

The morning came too soon. All three of them were yawning repeatedly. Opie ran outside to call Donna and tell her they were coming home. He heard him laugh in the distance. Those two were meant to be.

She hadn't realized she said that out loud until Jax asked her who she was talking about.

"Opie and Donna. Their love is a rare one."

Jax looked down and continued to pack.

Something was bothering him.

She walked over to help him fold a few articles of clothing. They worked side by side. Silently. "What we have is rare too." He said, not looking at her.

She was about to respond when Opie walked in.

"Let's go. Can't wait to get home." It was written all over his face, just how much he missed his family. Tara envied him for the briefest of moments. What would it have been like if she stayed?

The drive back was peaceful.

Tara was so relaxed. She leaned into Jax and embraced the wind that wipped her hair in her face. She leaned back and threw her arms in the air. Laughing, Jax glanced back and she saw him smirk.

They were just outside the Charming border when they heard the rumble of many bikes coming their way on the opposite side of the highway. Jax stiffened and was steering with one hand. In case the other needed to reach for the 9mm sitting tightly at his side. Opie stiffened too once he saw who they were.

Darby, a sleezy, two timing, racist ex-convict, who wanted Charming bad and would stop at nothing to get it. Charming sat on the border of his drug and prostitution rings. If he controlled Charming, the money that piled in for him would be overwhelming.

But that's not the only reason he wanted Charming.

He hated Clay. With a passion. Tara remembered when she was living in Charming years ago, the war that almost broke out.

Darby wanted everything Clay did. Including his woman, Gemma.

He had sent his men.

There were over a dozen of them. And only two SONS.

They made a U-Turn and followed Jax and Opie.

They were taunting them. Provoking them. Just looking for a reason to kill.

The SONS were minutes from the border. Minutes from gaining control of the situation. But would they live to see it? Darby's guys began circling them, like vultures stalking their prey, and she felt Jax grow taught with rage.

"I will not let them hurt you. If you weren't here, I wouldn't think twice about killing them all. But not now. Not like this." Jax said to her privately.

They finally forced them to stop. Moments away from the border, Jax and Opie sat. Their motorcycles rumbling and anxious to be on their way.

"Well, well, if it isn't Jackson. And Tara? Shoot girl. Lookin' good."

She recognized him and her stomach dropped. Kyle. The ex-SON who ratted out Opie causing him to do jail time. He worked for Darby now? This was bad. Real bad. She saw Opie's knuckles grow white as he gripped the handle bars hard. Trying to prevent himself from flying off the bike and killing Kyle.

"What did you just say to her?" Jax said calmly. He was anything but calm. Which made that sentence even more threatening.

"Woah man. I was just givin' you a compliment. I didn't know you had an old lady. Last I heard you were-"

"What do you want Kyle?" Opie cut him off. Tara was grateful for that.

"Tell Clay that our boss sends a message, in regards to his message…"

Darby and Clay spoke? Tara knew Jax must be going crazy inside.

"Tell him we want Charming and will stop at NOTHING to get it."

"Ha, good luck." Jax said confidently even if Tara knew he wasn't sure what to think. She knew he didn't trust easily and the fact that Clay and Darby spoke, and he didn't know about it, wasn't good.

"Give your boss a message too."

Jax flipped him the middle finger and they drove off to safety.

* * *

Later on, Opie called Jax and Tara watched in curiosity.

Jax face dropped in surprise. Then he scowled in anger.

"Alright. Thanks man."

Tara was holding Abel. He fell asleep in her arms after she fed him. Wendy was out. No one knew where. Apparently, she had been gone for days. When Jax came home, his mother was there watching Jax's son. She hugged Jax and held him for a while. She apologized over and over for what she did to Tara.

Tara didn't say a word. Gemma nodded in her direction. Acknowledging her. It was a start.

"What's wrong?"

Jax stared at nothing. He was lost in his thoughts.

"It finally happened." He said softly.

"What? What did?" She rocked the sleeping baby in her arms.

"The man Opie fought Tara… Just outside…"

"Who was it Jax?"

"He's working for the Fed's."

"Who is?"

She felt her stomach drop.

"Tig."


	27. Chapter 27

_Truth. A word as simple as it is complex. To trust, is an action that is rarely ever used. With good reason. Being a part of something bigger then yourself, being in the club, you are drilled with the rules and the ranks._

_But what of them? Who created these rules we follow so blindly? Will we ever be able to see on our own? But above all, it all comes down to trust. How well do you trust your brother? To answer that, think about how well you trust yourself…_

The words from his father's journal repeated like a record in his head. Spinning thoughts of lies and deceit.

He waited silently. Patiently. In the dark.

He lost track of time as he sat outside of Tig's house hidden from view. He needed to see for himself that Tig turned. Then he needed proof. Tig and Jax never really got along. There was something about Tig, maybe the greed for power or the hidden past that Jax found skeptical.

He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

A light went on in the living room. He heard the murmur of a voice. Only one. Tig must have been on the phone. Sliding underneath the window he heard the last bit of the conversation.

"Yea.." Tig stated.

Silence.

"Well, for how long?"

Silence.

Sigh.

"What time?"

Silence.

"Now! Oh, for the love of- fine."

Silence.

"No. They don't suspect a thing."

Silence.

"They just don't!"

A loud snap of a cell phone finished the conversation with brooding anger. Jax heard Tig rustle around inside. Most likely looking for his keys. Making his way back to his bike, Jax waited until Tig got on his and drove away.

Keeping a decent amount of distance between them, Jax followed.

* * *

The building looked abandoned. The large structure stood tall, yet dreary. It loomed over the people below with it's broken windows and damaged walls, almost as if to say stay out. Get away.

Jax watched as Tig leaned against his bike. Waiting.

A black four door sedan, that screamed FED car, pulled up to the warehouse. Without a word, the two walked inside. So it was confirmed.

Jax felt his heart pound. He was torn between his loyalty to the club and the lack of trust within it. Clay talked to Kohn. Tig was working with the FED's? What else didn't he know.

He maneuvered his way to a broken window without being seen.

The agent, a tall serious man, looked at Tig and scowled. Tig wasn't giving him the information he wanted. That much was obvious.

"You know what we want." The agent spoke softly. His demeanor cold. Robot- like.

"Yea." Tig looked unfazed.

"We have given you more then enough time."

"Well, I need more."

"That is not an option."

"I'm the only option you got pal." Tig spit on the floor. Aiming for the agents shoes.

"Have you forgotten why you're in this situation to begin with?"

Tig looked down. Jax saw fear.

"No, but it's so nice of you to remind me every time we chat."

"One more week. That's all you get. We know you have access. We know you're Clay's right hand man. Get it done."

Tig's eyes turned to slits as he narrowed them down, zoning in on the agent.

"I don't take to threats."

"It's not you I'm threatening. With what we have on her, she will be put away for the rest of her life. I wouldn't blink twice."

Jax didn't know what to make of this.

"Get it done." The agent slammed open the warehouse door and left both the SONS in a state of desperation.

* * *

The house smelled mouthwatering as Jax walked in. Tara, in her scrubs, was cooking dinner. It was close to mid-night but he knew she just got off of her shift. He had given her a key to his house and told her to use it. Often.

His smile was automatic as he watched her move gracefully and comfortably in the kitchen. The kid was sleeping, he knew.

Tara almost screamed when she saw him. Her step faltered and she had to steady herself on the counter.

"I didn't hear you come in. You're so quiet." She said pressing a trembling hand against her rapidly beating heart. "Just in time." She smiled as she grabbed a piece of bread and dipped it into the enticing sauce Jax had smelled before he even step foot in his house.

She fed him the bread and he growled in pleasure. His mouth reacted to it the way his body reacted to hers. Instantly and immensely.

"Delicious." He watched as she turned to the stove. Her scrubs clung to her curves. Each movement made him want to undress her and feel the soft skin that he knew was underneath.

His mouth was watering again. But it wasn't because of the food.

Jax set the table and lit two candles. The house was dark, yet peaceful. She made it a home. Startled by his thoughts, Jax stopped himself. It was never useful to think ahead. He learned to live for the moment, because that's all that was guaranteed.

Tara just finished straining the water out of the pasta and was in the process of smothering it with her sauce when Jax came behind her and wrapped his strong arms around her tiny waist.

She leaned into him automatically, and that pleased him greatly. He began to kiss her neck. He heard her sigh and felt her shiver.

His hands roamed down the sides of her and back up to her waist. He felt like ripping her clothes off, and it took all the self control he had not to. He wanted to make this one last. Not rush through it.

He turned her around and her lips were on his before he knew it.

Jax entwined his hands in her hair and pulled her closer. Tara desperately clung to him. Out of breath, Jax picked her up and lowered her to the kitchen floor.

He placed her down gently, and she smiled up at him.

"I love you." He repeated. She had yet to say it back. But she didn't have to. It was in her eyes.

He kissed her again, passionately, before she could speak.

They made love over and over.

When it was done, she lay her head on his chest and he held her. The pale moonlight cast a shadow on the kitchen floor. They lay in silence. Jax kissed her forehead and sighed in contentment. He couldn't move. He was so relaxed.

"Jax?" Tara spoke softly.

"Mmmm…" He said half asleep.

"I love you too."

He closed his eyes and smiled.

"I wasn't sure we would ever get to say those words to each other again."

"I know." Tara said.

"It's been there all along Tara. It just took you so long to see it."

"What do you mean?"

"I fell in love with you the day I taught you to tie your shoes."

Tara laughed.

Jax leaned on his side so he could see her face.

"It's true."

"Jax… we have so much against us."

"At least there is an us."

She looked down.

"You know, there is one thing about you that I don't like…" Jax said playfully.

"What now?" She smiled.

"You keep a man hungry after you tease him with your cooking? Not a good trait Tara. A turn off actually."

She laughed again.

"Shut up."

She sat up.

"Let's eat."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews. You're awesome. As always, enjoy!**

It was Tara's day off. She woke up with a headache and hoped that wasn't a sign for the day ahead. Jax already left. He had told her the night before that he had business to take care of. He didn't tell her what. She didn't ask.

She hated not knowing where he was going or when he would be back but that was what happened when you dated a SON.

She had not been home since the "incident." She couldn't bring herself to walk inside. Tara stood up and threw on one of Jax's t-shirt's over her head. She grabbed the fabric gently and brought it to her nose. Tara breathed in his scent and smiled.

She finished making the bed when she heard rustling in the kitchen. Gemma. Rolling her eyes, Tara made her way to the kitchen to make some coffee. Her head ached and she was still tired. In other words, she was in no mood for Gemma and her condescension.

Gemma was busy washing dishes. She spotted Tara out of the corner of her eye and took in her apparel. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to.

The disapproval was evident in her cold demeanor.

Tara grabbed a towel and wiped the dishes that were still damp. They worked side by side. The tension wasn't as terrible as before, but it was still there.

Abel was in a baby swing in the room with them. His tiny fists fidgeted with a toy that rattled with every shake. Tara looked at the beautiful boy and felt the emptiness that she typically felt whenever she saw a baby, grip her heart. Abel had Jax's eyes. And his smile. Tara felt herself grow emotional. What would her baby have looked like?

"Any plans today?" Gemma said, as she continued to wash.

"Why?" Tara replied, skeptical.

"Just wondering if you're going to lie around here or help me clean out the garage."

The baby started to cry. He dropped his toy. Gemma and Tara instantly ran to him. Each grabbed the toy. Neither of them seemed inclined to let go.

The power struggle between them was at it's peek.

"I got it." Tara said sternly.

To her surprise, Gemma let go.

They continued to wash dishes when they heard a clinking noise. Small at first. Then louder. Tara held a dish in suspense, Gemma let the faucet run. Something was tapping on the living room window.

Gemma dropped the dish, letting it splash into the soapy water.

Abel began to cry again.

"Stay with him." Tara ordered.

She made her way around the corner and carefully looked outside.

Clink.

Clink.

CRASH!

The window shattered into a million pieces. The floor was covered in glass that glistened in the sunlight. A rock, lay on top of the rubble.

"Ha! That's what you get Jax Teller!"

Wendy.

Tara walked to the door. Anger surged through her veins. She had enough.

"Wendy! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Of coarse _you're_ here. The perfect one. The one no one can live up to in Jax's eyes." Wendy spit her words, dripping with sarcasm.

One look at Wendy and Tara knew she fell off the wagon. Bad. She had dark circles under her eyes, and if it were possible, she looked thinner.

"Are you high?" Tara whispered trying to keep calm in front of the neighbors who now formed half circles on their own front lawns.

"No you idiot." Wendy rolled her eyes and lost her balance. She stumbled into the bushes and began to laugh.

"What kind of doctor are you? You can't even tell when someone's drunk." Wendy tried to get up, several times and failed.

Tara rolled her eyes and walked over to her. She tried to pick her up but Wendy viciously ripped her hands free from Tara's touch.

"Get off of me."

"Look, you have two options. You can either get in the house and stop making a fool of yourself and Jax. Or you can wait here while I call the cops. You're choice."

Tara's patience was wearing thin. She waited as Wendy debated.

"I hate you." Wendy glared at Tara.

"Good. The feeling's mutual."

Gemma was now standing in the doorway.

"You're a fool Wendy." She said, full of disdain for the woman sprawled out on her son's lawn.

"You used me. You all used me.." Her words were slurred. Barely audible.

"Let's go. Last chance. Do you want your son to see you like this? He's young now but…"

Tara caught Wendy's palm as it slapped her hard across the face. Her cheek stung painfully. She grabbed Wendy by the hair and pulled.

"Tara!" Gemma yelled. The fear in her voice stopped Tara.

The rumbling, the multitude of bikes, on their way.

The sky darkened and so did the street.

Darby's guys.

Tara struggled with Wendy.

"Hurry. Inside."

Fighting Tara, she fell twice.

"Gemma!"

She heard the clicks of guns. Adrenaline rushed through her. Fear had her heart pounding. She knew danger was right behind her. Tara ran up the steps, leaving Wendy on the grass.

"Get Abel to a safe place." Tara said, breathless.

"Those are Darby's guys aren't they?"

"Gemma! GO!"

Slowly, the bikes crept forward.

"Wendy! Get up. Come inside!"

Tara noticed all the neighbors took her advice and ran inside to safety.

"Shut up!" Wendy slurred.

She only had a few seconds before they reached Jax's house.

Tara groaned, in one last ditch effort to save Wendy's life, she ran and pulled her up the steps. She was out of breath by the time she shut the living room door.

"WE OWN CHARMING NOW!" Several men were screaming in the streets.

Tara ran into Jax's room to find Gemma and a crying Abel on the floor beside his bed. Wendy stumbled into the room. She was about to speak when-

CRASH!

Thousands of noises happened at once. The roar of the guns blazed and tortured the outside of the house. Bullets rained down on them. Tara held onto the women that made her life hell, and prayed that this would end.

Her head pounded. She should have never got out of bed.

* * *

Jax and Clay ran home as soon as they heard. It had been hours since Darby's guys left. With shaking fingers Gemma dialed Clay and Tara could hear the screaming from the other end of the phone. He was furious. But most of all he was petrified at how close he came to losing his wife.

Tig, Bobby and a few others came later on. There was tension between Jax and Tig. Tara couldn't place it.

The house was ruined.

The walls looked like swiss cheese, from the hundreds of bullet holes.

Jax was livid. Rage poured out of him.

"Where is she?" She heard him ask for her.

"In your room with Abel." His mother answered.

"Tara?" Jax yelled from the hall.

When he found her, in one piece, he sighed in relief. His arms were around her and his son before she realized it. She leaned her head against his chest. Tara didn't feel the urge to cry. She wasn't sure she had any tears left.

"Are you ok? Dammit!" He kicked over a lamp. It crashed to the floor.

His son began to cry.

"I'm sorry." He took his son from her and rocked him to sleep. It was a while before they spoke.

"Why is it that I am constantly the reason you are in danger?" He whispered, but didn't look at her. He was looking down at Abel.

"Don't talk like that Jax. Please." Tara was unsure about her entire life. She needed to be sure about him.

"It's true."

"It's not true."

"Since you came back to Charming it's been one thing after another. And it's all because of me. Because of the life I lead. That I chose to lead."

He walked out of the room.

She followed.

He placed his son in his crib. Abel's room had been left untouched.

Silently closing the door, Jax walked into his backyard. He didn't glance back to see if she would follow.

"Jax, you have to stop blaming yourself for the things you can't control!" She didn't mean to yell but it was hard not to. He was so stubborn.

"Tara…" He sighed. "I'm not good for you."

"Oh, and I'm good for you! You.." She hushed her voice. "You had to kill an ATF agent for me and now you probably have Stahl looking for you as we speak. That was because of me."

He smirked.

"Yes, but it wouldn't have happened if they weren't investigating the club in the first place."

"Yes it would have! Jax, why are you doing this! Why now?"

"Because what other time do we have, other then now! I'm not sure if we have a _tomorrow_."

He walked toward the back fence and leaned against it. The sun had set, bringing with it a chill.

"So what are you saying Jax?"

"I'm saying that you're too good for this. For me! You were right to leave twenty years ago. You should have never came back."

Her lip began to quiver with emotion.

"You're an idiot! You know that? A big idiot who can't see what's staring him right in the face! Someone who loves him and never wanted to leave in the first place!"

"You deserve better."

"Stop saying that! I hate you right now. I really do."

Despite her best efforts, she began to cry.

"Tara…"

"Shut up." She stormed back inside. He let her go.

She was so hurt, she couldn't breath. Like she said before, this stuff happened when you dated a SON.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: For the reader's this chapter is for you, particularly Gianna. Enjoy!**

The meeting was in five minutes. Clay called them all in for an emergency get together in the Chapel. His tone was serious. Omnious. Jax knew Darby had started a war, and like Opie had told him on the phone, this could only end in bloodshed.

As the VP, Jax was expceted to be seated in the Chapel already. He was given many odd looks as he stood, waiting outside. He nodded in greeting to his fellow SAMCRO members but there was something he had to do before he went in and sat down.

Tig just pulled up. He was taking off his helmet, and squinting from the sun, when Jax walked up next to him.

He had yet to tell Clay about his suspicions. He had to handle this his way.

Tig looked as surprised as the others to see Jax not inside.

"Am I early?" Tig said.

"No."

"Alright. Then what?"

"I know."

Silence.

"You know what Jax?"

"I know. Now we can do this the hard way or the easy way."

He began to pat Tig down for wires. Tig shoved him, hard.

"Get off me! Are you crazy?"

"I followed you two nights ago."

Tig blanched. His face turned pure white.

"Jax, you have no idea..."

"Then explain it."

Jax crossed his arms and waited.

"They have her Jax. But I wasn't gonna rat. I'm still finding a way to..."

"They have who?"

Silence.

"Who Tig?You're not going inside until you tell me."

"Fine." Tig looked down. "They have my daughter on drug and prostitution charges."

Jax exhaled. Shocked.

"So what now?"

"I havent been the best father but I've always been the best SON. Please, don't tell Clay"

"You have one day to come up with a plan."

"Hey!" Bobby screamed. "You're late!"

The two headed inside, the distance between broadening the silence until it became deafening.

"This is OUR TOWN!" Clay finished screaming. The guys cheered. The roars of their voices could be heard from the next county.

"We have Uncer, we have a plan, let's do this." Clay stood and they all followed.

He patted Jax on the back.

"I need you with me on this VP."

"I know." Jax said, lighting a cigarette.

"Good. Tomorrow night then."

They left, Jax nodded at Tig. It was all going down tomorrow night. Jax may never again be coming home, so he left and rode his bike to the only place he wanted to be. Where Tara was, and his baby.

* * *

They were staying in Clay and Gemma's spare guest house for now. The renovations had already been set to go. Money wasn't an issue. Gemma and Clay had already turned out the lights. Clay needed his rest for tomorrow. This could only get ugly from here on out.

This was a war that was a long time coming.

The house was dark. Only, a dim light in the living room was on. Tara was curled in a chair. She was asleep. An open book lay on her lap. Jax gently removed the hair that fell into her face.

God, how he loved her.

"Jax?" She mumbled, sleepily.

"Yea Tara. I'm home."

She was still mad at him, but she smiled none the less.

"I made you dinner." Her voice cracked. She was exhausted.

"Thank you."

Jax knew this may be the last night they spent together. Saddened, he fidgeted with the object in his pocket. It was small. But big enough to speed up his heartbeat.

"Sit up for a second?" He asked her. She did.

Rubbing her eyes, she watched him get down on one knee.

Shock woke her from her slumber. She began to breath in and out rapidly, panicked.

"Tara," He looked into her eyes with such tenderness it made her tear, "There was never a time when I can remember that my life did not revolve around you. In your absence, I fought myself, I yelled at myself but still your face, your laugh, your smile lingered in my thoughts and haunted me daily. The day you left I told myself that I didn't need you. That I was better off. But I didn't realize how wrong I was until you came back."

He paused. Clearing his throat. He couldn't believe how emotional this was making him.

"You are the only woman I see. No matter where I am or who I am with, it's you. My heart still skips a beat when you walk into the room. When I have you in my arms, and you get up to leave, all I want to do is hold you again. Because I am empty without you. Tara, I lied when I said you should leave and that I don't need you. I need you like I need air. I can't breath without you. I love you, always have, always will. Marry me Tara Knowles."

"Jax! Yes, yes a million times yes." She lept off the couch and through herself around him. They hugged for what seemed like an tried to remember every detail because this may be the last time they saw each other. Just when they finally got it right. The timing couldn't be worse.

Jax couldn't bring himself to tell her about tomorrow. Instead they made love. After, she was staring at her ring and giggling. She was telling him of all the plans she had to make. Jax stayed silent letting her believe that they had a future, even if they didn't.

**On a sad note, this story is coming to it's conclusion soon. It has been a fun journey with everyone, but it's almost that time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as I have enjoyed your reviews. The continuation, soon. **


	30. Chapter 30

_The Chicago streets were chaotic, vibrant with life. It was such a change from her small hometown. Tara waited as the light turned red. The crowd walked with her as they crossed the street together. They were all strangers. Tara looked around at the sea of faces. She didn't know anyone. An ache, that often burned her, crept up again._

_She left everything she had ever known. She would never return. There was nothing left for her in Charming._

_That was a lie._

_Tara needed coffee before she began her shift. Making her way to the shop, she groaned. The line was out the door. But she was useless without caffeine, so she decided to wait._

_The sun beat down on her. Sweat formed at the base of her neck. She was in the middle of yawning, when she almost choked on the air she just inhaled._

_A man, blond shaggy hair, black leather, scruffy beard came around the corner. It was a man she would recognize anywhere. His face was embedded within her. He was as much a part of her as she was._

_Jax Teller._

_It had been months since she left Charming. He tried calling her. She felt it was easier if she ignored him._

_Now, here he was. She rubbed her eyes to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. _

_There were dark nights, in her apartment, when she cried herself to sleep. She was completely alone in this large city and missed Jax terribly. The way he made her laugh. The way he held her. The way he kissed her and made her feel important._

_Saying good bye was the hardest thing she ever had to do. That was until now._

_Tara got off the line and quickly mingled in the crowd. She could feel her heart pound and the tears burn down her cheeks._

_She loved him so much. And because of that she had to leave him._

_Jax never found her and Tara couldn't be more lost…_

Tara woke up startled from her dream. The memory left her with a feeling of dread. Something was wrong. Jax wasn't in bed. He had carried her to bed last night and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Tara could hear Abel cry in the distance. She rubbed her hands over her face and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Jax?" He was quiet last night. She didn't like secrets. He knew it. But he still wasn't telling her something.

"Hey." He walked in and smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

His hair was damp from the shower he just took. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he made his way toward her. His exposed torso, flat stomach made her heart flip inside her chest. Would she ever get used to how handsome he was?

What did he see in her?

"What's wrong?" Tara asked, concerned.

He cupped her face and kissed her lightly. He smelled of fresh soap. Jax's unshaved beard scratched her jaw. He deepened the kiss. Groaning, he clung to her with a raw need and desire she never felt from him before.

Almost as if saying, without words, that he needed her now. She let him tangle his hands in her hair and pull her closer. His hands traveled down her body. His towel dropped.

They made love, desperately. Feverishly.

But Tara couldn't help but notice, that look in his eyes. Instead of Jax coming into the room and saying hello, it was almost as if he were saying good bye.

* * *

There was a silence, in the aftermath of their love making, that made Tara uneasy.

"You're distant."

"Hmmm…" Jax replied.

"Do you regret giving me this ring?" She slipped it off her finger.

His put it back on.

"Tara, that ring has always been yours."

She rested her head on his chest. Absently playing with his chest hair.

"I love you Jax."

"I love you too."

He kissed her forehead.

"I waited too long to do this. You deserve so much more."

"What are you talking about?"

"Time Tara. We wasted so much time apart."

"I know. But it's ok now. I'm your old lady."

They laughed.

"You're finally mine."

He hugged her.

"I've always been yours Tara."

He leaned up and looked at her.

His eyes were very serious.

"Do you regret anything?"

"Are you kidding? No Jax. It all lead me back here, to you."

"I'm not good at telling you how I feel…"

"Jax, what's going on?"

"I used to dream about you. After you left."

She looked down.

"I actually went to Chicago. To bring you home. But then I realized how selfish that was. You didn't want this life. I didn't want to trap you. You had an option for a future. Did I take that away from you now Tara?"

"I thought about you everyday Jax. This is where I belong. With you."

He kissed her hand that was joined in his.

"I can't wait to marry you Tara."

"Then why do you sound so sad?"

He smirked, quietly.

"I'm not. I'm very, very happy."

"I don't believe you Jax."

"Believe me darlin'. You mean everything to me."

Tara kissed him again. Jax stood up and told her not to wait up for him tonight. He told her not to leave the house. Gemma would be staying with her overnight. Tara's senses heightened. He was involved in something out of his control. He was afraid.

Underneath that tough exterior was a man. A man who dreamt. A man who felt. A man who loved.

Jax kissed her and Abel good bye and walked out the door. Tara nodded in Clay's direction as he put a hand on Jax's back and whispered something in his ear.

Jax glanced back one last time and smiled.

Tara waved good bye, regretting that she didn't tell him the one thing she knew he would want to hear. She didn't want him distracted. She needed him to come home.

She wrapped her arms around herself, and rubbed her stomach.

It was a miracle that brought him back to her.

She began to believe in miracles again, because she was given a second chance.

Tara was pregnant.


	31. Chapter 31

"Clay, there's something you should know." Jax spoke gravely. Clay sat on his bike in front of his house. The night was dark. A promise of menace was seething through the unknown.

"Yes, son?" He waited.

Jax felt turmoil tighten its grip against his heart. He couldn't rat on Tig. He just couldn't. He had to go into this situation with a clear head.

Not with a clear conscience.

"I'm with you on this. No matter what."

"No matter what?"

Jax shook his head in agreement. He took one last look at what he was leaving behind. It was the very same thing he was protecting, with his life. He put the key in the ignition.

_Here we go. _

* * *

They pulled up and saw their brother's waiting for them. Jax took in the anxious look on all of their faces. Opie, typically a very calm man, now looked like he was ready to attack. Jax nodded in his direction.

"Ok, listen up." Clay began to speak. He had everyone's attention instantly.

"The meeting with Darby will take place in five minutes. Clear your heads. Don't think about family. Don't think about anything but this club and what we came here to do."

Jax saw a few heads nod in agreement.

He felt his adrenaline rush through his veins. It was time.

"Clay…" Jax realized with shock where they were.

"Be quiet VP." Clay said, angrily.

"Why did you chose this place to meet? Do you realize how wrong this could go?"

"You had your chance to speak. Now is not the time."

They heard rumbling of motorcycles. Jax tensed when he saw Darby's face. On the right of him was Kyle. Jax's lip curled in disgust. That man had no sense of loyalty. He hoped Opie taught him a lesson. One that left him in the hospital.

Darby and his men took their positions across from Clay and his.

The tension between the two was overwhelming. This war was inevitable. Charming was hanging in the balance. Their families fate depended on this night. Jax usually didn't believe in a higher power, but he closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, hoping that regardless of the outcome, his family would be ok.

"Well, Clay. Long time no see."

"Not long enough." Clay said, creating some grunts of approval.

"I see you brought back up." Darby was referring to the Lodi Charters that stood behind them. Guns, at the ready.

"I see you did too." Clay referred to the Mayans that rolled up behind Darby.

Darby smiled.

"Yea, well, they believe in my cause. Charming would be better off under my control."

"You couldn't control your hand in your pants." Clay seethed anger.

"Do you realize where you are Clay?"

The others looked around. Jax knew where they were. Mayan territory. They didn't stand a chance. Regardless of how many charter's. Darby suggested this meeting place. Clay agreed. They walked right into his trap.

Jax looked at Clay. Disappointed. Angry. Unsure.

"The Mayans own this land. And the SONS, as usual, are not welcome here. My friends are not happy you crossed their boundry." Darby smiled, sinister.

This time Clay smiled.

"Let's do this. Winner gets Charming. Loser ends up dead."

Within seconds bullets were blazing past Jax's head. The men dropped their weapons and decided to use their fists. Jax ducked an elbow, just to get a fist in the face. He ignored the stinging and let loose. He lost sight of the others.

There was a mass of anger and turmoil, with the intent of destruction. Jax vaguely heard screaming and yelling. They were being pushed back against a wall, literally. The massive warehouse stood behind them. They were in the desert.

The middle of nowhere.

The Mayans took joy in beating the SONS. Darby's guys had the advantage. They were losing.

Jax felt a pair of hands grab him and he struggled to break free.

They held him while, numerous people beat him down. He yelled when he felt a rib crack.

He looked around. The others were just as defeated.

Anger surged through Jax and he managed to break free. It was Kyle who held him back. Jax yelled for Opie to finish this and Opie didn't hesitate.

Jax smiled as Kyle screamed for release from the pain.

"Enough!" Clay yelled.

The fighting died down. Some held their wounds. Others limped away.

Darby, out of breath, didn't listen.

He charged for Clay.

A single shot rang out.

Tig, held the smoking gun, shot Darby. He fell.

"Now." Clay said. The Mayans stopped fighting and switched sides.

Darby's guys jaws fell in shock.

"What's going on?" Jax winced, as he made his way to Clay.

"Remember that Mayan that was going to testify against you?"

Jax nodded in agreement.

"Well, we made a deal. We wouldn't kill him and we would give the Mayan's our next shipment of AK's if they helped us out tonight." Clay smiled.

Jax smiled too.

Darby's army was cut in half. He was bleeding from his bullet wound and was cursing at Clay.

"This isn't over yet. I'm not done." He hit a button on his cell.

In that instant, an endless stream of black suburban's sped down the dirt road.

"I made a deal with the Fed's." Darby smiled, feeling accomplished.

The trucks came screeching to a halt. The agents ran out, guns pointed at their chests.

"Drop the weapons! Hands in the air! You're under arrest!"

Darby began to laugh. But then his smile faltered when he realized they were pointing the guns at him.

"Funny, we made a deal too." Clay said, relaxed and carefree.

The man that Jax had seen in the abandoned warehouse walked toward them. He pressed his suit and straightened his hair. Much like Kohn would do. Jax cringed at the memory of that monster.

"Get him out of here." Darby and his men were thrown into the vans on by one in cuffs.

The man acknowledged Tig with a nod and walked toward him with cuffs. Jax knew they were putting on a show for the other charter's. If they knew Tig was a rat, he'd be dead tomorrow.

They took Tig away and Jax looked at Clay.

"Thirty days and some community service in exchange for Darby's drug and prostitution rings. And his daughter goes free. I knew all along, son. And I'm proud of you for not ratting."

He patted Jax on the back.

"Let's go home."

"Yea. Definitely." Jax smiled.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thank you for your lovely reviews. You're awesome..**

"Hello my sweet boy." Tara laughed as Abel reached for her finger. She held an octopus toy above his head. He gurgled and smiled, trying to reach for it. She placed a hand on her stomach. She couldn't believe in nine short months another baby would be playing with her around here.

And she would be married.

Life changed at such a rapid pace. There was no word from Jax since yesterday. She tried to suppress the anxious feeling she felt every time her mind drifted to him. Gemma told her that no news was better than bad news.

Tara tried to agree. But she hated this feeling of helplessness. There was nothing she could do but wait.

She heard rustling in the living room. Tara covered Abel up as his eyes slowly shut. She kissed him, on his soft cheek, and gently shut the door.

"Gemma?" They stayed together last night. They fell asleep in the living room watching old movies. It wasn't said out loud, but the women knew they needed each other now. They never admitted to having anything in common, but they did. The men in their lives bound them.

"Gemma.." Tara repeated as she heard more shuffling.

Something wasn't right.

Tara heard the click of a gun. It was a sound she heard way too many times since she had been back.

"Shut up and sit down." That voice. Stern, unwavering.

Tara slowly made her way to the couch. Gemma was sitting silent beside her.

They didn't look at each other, but Gemma reached across and grabbed her hand. Held it in hers. There was no mistake. They were in this together.

"So, no word from your boys yet?" Stahl smirked, hinting that she knew something. "Oh, how sweet." She nodded, acknowledging Gemma's hand in Tara's.

"You two are friends now?"

"What do you want you bit-" Gemma was silenced when the gun was aimed at her temple.

"Funny, don't you think? That neither of you received a phone call yet?"

"What are you getting at Stahl?" Tara said, angrily.

"Simply that, you don't know where they are or what they're doing. And no one has called you. That tells me, something is wrong." She smiled, viciously.

A victory of some kind played across her lips.

"What did you do?" Tara said each word slowly, through a clenched jaw.

"You can't just come in my house with a gun and threaten us like this." Gemma said.

"Us? Now you're worried about little miss perfect? Or not so perfect, hmm, Tara? You don't have the best track record when it comes to dating."

Tara cringed at the memory. Infuriated that she was unable to move, her hands began to shake uncontrollably.

"And yes I can come in here Gemma. I have a warrant. And I have your men."

"I don't believe you." Gemma spit at her shoes.

Stahl whipped her against the side of her face with the handle of the gun.

Gemma's lip split. She was bleeding.

"What do you want!" Tara screamed. In the other room, a scared Abel, began to cry.

"You. And the queen to come with me. You see we have a witness who places your club last night at the scene of a very violent crime where several of their rivals were found shot, in the back of the head. We could care less about the Mayans of coarse, but the SONS, well, that's a jackpot. Isn't it ladies?"

"You're lying." Tara said softly.

"Am I?" Stahl smirked. "Well I guess you'll never know until you come with me. I need a written statement of all that went down in Lodi Tara and I'll set Clay free."

"Clay?" Gemma said, confused.

"Yes. Clay. Because, oh, you don't know." Stahl bit her bottom lip.

Tara felt bile rise in her throat. She was going to be sick.

"Yea. Hate to be the one to tell you this, but," She hesitated and looked directly at Tara.

"Jax is dead."

* * *

Government interrogation rooms were different then police stations. Tara would know. She had to bail her father out a number of times.

These rooms were colder. Bigger. Sterile.

Her father. Jax. She was so numb at this point she was certain she would never feel again.

Stahl took them from Gemma's guest house and smiled the entire way. She ruined lives daily and took pleasure in it.

Tara held the pain with shaking hands.

The paper was blank.

She lost track of how many hours she sat in the cold metal chair. Stahl wanted her confession in exchange for Clay and the others.

She would spend her life in jail. Her baby would be given to social services. Her life was over. What did she have left? Jax was gone. Her heart was torn. Shattered. Destroyed.

She clicked the pen open and touched it to the white sheet. It wouldn't right.

Tara scribbled.

Nothing came out.

She threw the pen against the wall until it shattered.

She was being watched, she knew. But she didn't care.

Tara felt a tear slip down her cheek and swiftly wiped it away. This was not the time. She would not let them see her cry.

All the faces she had seen since she walked in, were a blur. One of the faceless agents came in now and gave her another pen. She took it without a word.

Slowly, she began to write.

* * *

"Tara?" Jax opened the door with a wide smile. He couldn't wait to hold her. Kiss her. Breath her in.

Clay right behind him calling for his wife.

"Tara?" Jax said again, this time more concerned.

"Where the hell are they?" Clay roared.

They were tired. They were sore. And all they wanted was their family.

Jax knew something was off. Someone was here.

"Clay, something's wrong." Jax said, searching the rooms. Tara's car was in the driveway but she wasn't here. His stomach dropped. Fear surged through him.

"Someone took them." Clay said. He rubbed his eyes. Then scowled, drew back his fist, and punched the wall.

"Who?" Jax said calmy, but he was anything but calm.

"Jax!" Opie came running in the house, out of breath.

"What is it Ope." Jax said, his mind somewhere else.

"Stahl."

At the mention of that name, the world went still.

"What about her…" Jax's hands balled into fists.

"A neighbor saw her take Tara, Abel and Gemma."

Jax looked at Clay. A silence filled the room.

"What could she possibly have on us?" Clay said, seething with rage.

Jax closed his eyes.

He knew. But he wasn't going to say just yet. He couldn't speak. He simply walked outside and sat on the steps.

Alone.

And now determined.


	33. Chapter 33

"Yea. Uh huh. Okay." Jax snapped his cell phone shut. He hadn't slept. He couldn't. The thought of Tara being caught up in all of this because of him tore him apart inside. She deserved so much better then this life. But no matter how many times he tried to break it off with her, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Because he was selfish.

And because he loved her.

But that didn't mean that he deserved her.

He was alone. Clay had left him to get ready. They had a plan. It wasn't the greatest idea, but it was the best they had.

Jax should have killed Stahl in Lodi when he had the chance. He knew that she had nothing on him. But using Tara to get to him, that was the worst thing she could have done.

And the stupidest.

He heard the rumbling of bikes in the front of his house.

It was time.

He hoped it wasn't too late.

* * *

They were stopped by no one. The guards, once they saw who was with them, let them pass right through. They were searched, and asked to remove their guns, but that was it.

The SONS made their way into the building with determination. And a need for justice.

The building echoed with an announcer overhead paging people. There were a dozen agents standing in front of the room that they needed to get into. The suits scowled at the ones dressed in leather. One curled his lip in disgust.

Two guards, who thought they were tougher then they actually were, blocked Jax and Clay. Jax fought the urge to punch them in the face and break something.

"You have my wife." Clay said, seriously.

"And mine." Jax said, through a clenched jaw.

"You're going to have to wait out here." The agent had the nerve to smirk.

Jax was about to hit him, when Clay beat him to it. The guy lay on the ground wimpering, holding his nose. The other guard, shocked at first, regained his composure and charged at Jax. He threw him up against a wall and grabbed his security pass.

He threw him on the ground and kicked him as hard as he could.

Dam, that felt good.

Within seconds, they were surrounded. Guns at the ready.

Jax and Clay held their hands up until the person they came with was behind them.

Shock, curiosity, fear all played across ATF's faces as they recognized this man. They immediately dropped their weapons and let them pass.

"Let's go get our women." Clay said.

Jax couldn't have agreed more.

* * *

Stahl was in the middle of taking a piece of paper away from Tara when Jax burst open the door. "Get away from her. And drop whatever you're holding."

"Jax!" Tara shrieked and began to sob.

"Well, well look who we have here. How's your cell phone working?" She smiled.

Tara looked up at her confused.

"We couldn't get service Tara. Something she must have done. That's why we couldn't call you." He looked at her. Sitting in the cold, hard government issued chair with tears streaming down her cheeks and he felt rage like he never did before.

"C'mon sweetheart. It's time to get out of here." He reached for Tara but Stahl stood in-between them.

"Get out of my way."

"Or what Jax. You going to murder me too? Just like you murdered Kohn? Think about it. You're in my world now."

Jax smirked.

"You have no proof. And besides, I am in your world so I decided to bring someone you knew very well."

The agent who arrested Tig walked into the room.

Stahl's face went white. She clung to the piece of paper until it crinkled in her hand.

"Garrett Morrison. Great guy. I believe he's your boss's boss. And interestingly enough, he brought with him a tape. We have no idea we were being watched under survelience the other night. And my guess is you didn't either." Jax's smile grew wide as a tear ran down Stahl's cheek.

Jax took the tape and put it in the VCR they had in the interrogation room.

The black and white footage, fuzzy at first, now became focused. The brawl between the Mayans and the SONS was epic and being played on television. Before Jax knew it there was a crowd in the room.

Moments after everyone had left, there was an image of Stahl walking out of her black suburban. She had four Mayans lined up, hands behind their heads. And she mercilessly shot all four of them.

"Agent Stahl, you have the right to remain silent…" Morrison cuffed Stahl as she began to scream.

"This isn't over! This is not finished!"

"Yes," Jax looked at Tara, "It is."

He reached for the paper that fell to the floor that read two simple words.

_F*ck You._


	34. Chapter 34

Tara was stiff. Her body sore. And she was starving.

They returned to Gemma's guest house and Jax immediately put Abel to bed. Something was off about him.

When she saw him walk in those doors everything around her faded.

Her world was put back together and she could breath again.

He felt just as relieved to see her. It was written all over his face. But he seemed cold. Distant. On the way home, she hugged him tight. He briefly held her hand and then let go.

The wind blew her hair back and she felt freedom, but it was short lived once they got home. He was quiet as he made his way into the living room. He stared at her as if he forgot what she looked like.

The intensity of his gaze made her blush.

She looked down and noticed a bag in his hand. It was her bag. With her clothes tucked inside.

"I need you to go." Jax said silently.

It was as if someone took a sledge hammer to her heart and beat it repeatedly.

"What? Why?" She walked toward him and he backed up. Putting as much space inbetween them as possible.

"I can't do this with you Tara. Just, please. Go." His eyes began to tear.

"I'm not leaving. You can't tell me what to do Jackson." She crossed her arms so he wouldn't see her trembling hands.

"I don't know how many times I have to say this to you before you realize it. You have no future with me. I'm no good for you. You deserve better."

"Stop saying that! I love you Jax. I love you so much." She began to cry.

The baby was making her more emotional.

"And I love you. More then anyone. And that's why you have to leave."

"NO."

"Tara.."

"Shut up you idiot."

"If we stay together, you'll end up hating me."

Tara took the ring off of her finger. It was once am object that gave her so much joy. A sign of his commitment to her. Now it was just a mockery. A tease of what never would be.

She placed the ring on the end table and stared at it.

Her shoulders began to shake as she sobbed.

"Don't cry Tara. It's for the best." His voice quivered as he spoke.

"Why can't you ever let me decide for myself Jax?"

"Because I know you'll want to stay. I need to know you're safe."

"Yea," She sniffled. "I guess."

"You're such a beautiful woman. You're all I've dreamt about. You're it for me."

Jax said, running a hand through his hair.

"But you deserve more. Maybe start a family one day with someone who has a steady job and life. That's not me."

"Jax…"

"No. Hear me out." He walked up to her and cupped her face.

He kissed her hard and fast.

"I will miss those lips. That smile. I can't…"

He kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her for a few minutes without speaking.

"I can't let you go." Jax whispered. His forehead was leaning gently against hers.

"Jax.." She kissed him over and over.

"Marry me Tara." She laughed as he placed the ring back on her finger.

"Jax, there's something you should know."

He looked at her patiently and waited.

"I'm pregnant." His eyes grew wide with shock and then a smile just as big followed.

"Yea?" He hugged her and held her. In between kisses he spoke. "I can't believe it.." More kisses. "How lucky we are." Kisses again. "I'm so in love with you…"

"Don't ever tell me to leave again."

"No. Now you're stuck with me forever." Jax smiled brilliantly.

He was so handsome. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Finally. He gets it." She laughed as he put an arm around her and held her as they walked to the main house to tell Gemma and Clay that they would be grandparents once again.


	35. Chapter 35

Epilogue

The sun touched down upon the earth and created a heavenly glow that glistened all day. The vibrant orange and pink hues in the sky set against the golden rays, made today magical.

Tara fought the butterflies in her stomach. She placed a hand on her torso. Her son, now six months old, loved to rest there.

Abel, now two, loved Caleb. The pair of boys were inseperable.

The moment Caleb sees Abel walk into his room, his face lights up and Tara cries each time. Moments like that made Tara's life surreal. Almost as if it weren't happening to her. Because she never felt like she deserved happiness.

She never felt she deserved anything.

Until she met him.

Her groom was waiting for her outside. They were getting married today. They flew everyone out for their special day.

People that Tara once despised, now became as familiar to her as her own skin. They were her family. She finally belonged.

Hawaiian sunsets were rumored to be spectacular.

As Tara watched the sky transform now, she was at a loss for words.

How did she get so lucky?

Gemma walked into the bridal tent and walked over to Tara. Without a word, she adjusted Tara's flower that was placed gently on her head. She kissed her cheek, much like a mother would do for their daughter, and smiled at her.

"I'm glad it's you." Gemma said, quietly.

"I love your son more then words can say."

"I know." She pulled Tara in for a hug and whispered, "But he loves you more."

Tara brushed aside the tears that fell.

"Now, don't mess up your make-up. You look gorgeous sweetheart."

The music began to play. The matrimonial melody echoed throughout her small wedding tent. Her heart began to race. She heard the rustling of people as they stood to watch her enter.

_This was it._

_

* * *

_

Gemma held her hand as she made her way down the isle.

Donna held Tara's sons as she made her way past them. Abel ran up to her and clung to her dress. No one could pry his little fingers away from her, so she ended up holding him the rest of the way.

She glanced at Donna, as she gave her an apologetic look, and checked on her other son as he slept soundly in the comfort of Donna's embrace.

Tara kissed Abel's cheek and heard a sharp intake of breath.

It came from Jax.

There were tears in his eyes but he quickly shoved them aside. He would never let anyone see that vulnerable side, except for her.

It had always been only her.

A surge of love, overwhelmed her as she looked into his eyes.

They spoke to her in volumes.

The love she saw in them for her made her tear again.

As the priest began to speak, Tara whispered.

"You're going to make me ruin my make up."

"I can't stop staring at you. You're absolutely gorgeous Tara."

She chuckled and shook her head.

"I'll never see it."

"I know. But I do." Jax whispered.

The priest gave them a disapproving look as he continued to read the passage.

"Jax," She whispered, "I love you."

He smirked, that crooked smirk that always melted her heart.

"I don't know what I did to get so lucky…"

The priest finished the vows quickly. Abel squirmed in Tara's arms to be let down half way through. She kissed his forehead and let him down. He ran to Gemma, with the speed of a toddler and laughed the whole way.

* * *

The reception was small. Intimate. Endearing.

Jax grabbed Tara's hand and asked her to come outside with him.

She gave Caleb to Gemma, who adored the attention from her grandson's, and followed her husband.

The waves crashed gently against the sand.

The gentle breeze swayed Tara's hair back and forth.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

If she could freeze time, this is when she would do it.

She felt Jax come behind her and wrap his arms around her. She leaned against him, completely content. He kissed her forehead and for a moment, they simply stayed in silence.

"Tara," His tone was serious now, "You know there will be nights when I don't come home. And my life is still unpredictable and crazy. No one would blame you if ten years from now you left. It's happened before."

"Don't you ever know when to stop talking?" She said with a smile.

"I'm serious. My life is dangerous. There may be a day when…"

"Hey, I tell you what. Someone once told me we have to live for today because that's all we have. And that person is now my husband. So, if I were you I would listen to him."

She could feel him smirking as she leaned in closer.

"All I know is Tara, is that I can't ever live without you again. You've given me a second son," He turned her to face him and cupped her cheeks, "You made it possible for me to be me again."

"I didn't do anything." She said. He kissed her lightly.

"You're just you. And that's what makes me, well, me."

"I love you so much Jax Teller."

"Good." She elbowed him playfully as he laughed.

"You're it for me darlin'."

"Good." She said, turning his own words against him.

Of all the nights he dreamt of her. Of all the times he was lost in thought thinking of how they met or the good times they spent together. Of all the time they lost. It all led up to this moment. Jax threw his cigarette in the water and put his hands in his pocket. Finally, he felt the ache of being without her fade.

He was married now.

To the one he longed for.

* * *

_AN: I had such an amazing experience writing this story. Thank you all so much for your kind words and praise. I'm so sad to see this story go. I may be writing a sequel son. A follow up story on the Teller boys, Abel and Caleb all grown up. So, don't forget about me! I hope you've enjoyed this as much as i have. _

_With all my love._

_MJ1010_


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